Who Is SI Suited For?

For decades, the swimsuit issue was aimed specifically at straight guys. It’s just a fact.

Exhibit A

I know other audiences paid attention to it, even enjoyed it. Women with an eye on beach fashion, perhaps. Photographers looking at style and technique. Amateur models dreaming of gracing its pages one day.

I wonder what ever happened to Jennifer Sundquist?

Plus, I think there’s just something universal about a beautiful woman. Seems like everyone — straight, gay, male, female — just kinda gets enthralled by bikini ladies to some extent, in a way that just doesn’t happen with the male physique.

“The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian. It’s for gettin’ around, like a jeep.”

—Elaine Benes

Jeannine Amber wrote an article to accompany Tyra’s magnificent 2019 return to SI. It relates a story from an early downturn in Tyra’s career, when she was getting too curvy for high fashion, and her mom told her to write down the names of companies who like “ass.”

Soon, Tyra was on the cover of SI, described in the piece as “one of the most prominent arbiters of male heterosexual desirability in America.”

So yeah, it was for straight dudes. That’s canon.

Exhibit Ass

But lately SI has tried to expand, or even redefine, its audience. There’s the kinda-maybe-misguided “In Her Own Words” spread from a couple years ago, and the recent focus on varying the ages and body types that appear. The message seems to be less “Here’s what men find attractive” and more “Here’s an uplifting look at what attractive can be!”

But beyond that, there’s something that’s been sneaking into Swim Daily lately. Fashion tips aimed squarely at women.

No titillation at all, just a “Hey ladies, check out these tips for a swell lady lifestyle.”

It’s like they really think women will look to SI Swim like they’d look to Allure or Glamour. I honestly have no idea how likely that is, but maybe they’re snagging the aforementioned young fashion buffs and model hopefuls who happen to be there.

Compare that to the downright porny titles they gave their YouTube videos a couple years ago. “Barbara Palvin Feels Herself” and “Gigi Hadid Takes You To Her Wet, Tahitian Paradise” and “Kate Bock Takes You To Her ‘Magical Place’” and “Kate Upton Invites You To Explore Her Aruba Paradise” and “Brooklyn Decker Shows Off Her Dirty, Naughty Secret In Virgin Islands.”

They sound like they were pieced together by SEO sexbots. Clearly not aimed at women in need of skin lotion. (Maybe at MEN in need of skin lotion…)

It seems like the swimsuit issue is trying hard to find its angle. They veered raunchy, decided that wasn’t quite right, then they veered soft/inviting/celebratory and are seeing how that goes.

Never thought pretty ladies in bikinis would end up being a tough sell, but here we are. It’s an age of custom-tailored titillation at your fingertips, the death of print, and the rise of inclusivity, so maybe the age of Babette has ended.

One-Piece Wednesday: Heidi Klum, 2014

In addition to yesterday’s golden bikini, Heidi also sports three swimsuits in the style of the one that Nina Agdal wore on the cover of “50 Years of Beautiful.”

There are two bikinis. One features Heidi’s 1998 cover on the left breast and Babette’s 1964 cover on the right.

The bottoms alternate between Elle’s 1987 and 1988 covers. (Which is nice, because Elle is sadly absent from the “Legends” photoshoot.)

The second bikini is the same design as Nina’s from the book jacket, and judging by where the covers fall, it MIGHT just be the exact same bikini. (And one that I’d consider bidding on if it ever appeared on eBay.)

And finally, there’s a sweet one-piece version.

Painted Portraits

In honor of the recent Halloween, I thought I’d finally get around to talking about the 2013 bodypainting, where today’s crop of models dressed as covergirls of the past.

Alyssa Miller as Babette March

Two things about this one pop up again and again in the rest. 1) The 2013 reproduction is a lot stiffer and less natural than the original, and 2) they’ve skimpied up the swimsuit.

The stiffer pose is understandable. The original one was free to be what it wanted, and the image captured was a happy accident. But the modern one has to conform as best it can to that fraction of a second, so it’s not going to look as natural.

As for the other issue, I do kind of miss the big 1960s bikini bottoms Babette wore. If you’re going to go retro, go retro!

The precautions Alyssa had to take have already been lovingly covered in this space.

Better Shot

I’m partial to this one.

Nice angle on the hips.

• • •

Anne V as Elle Macpherson

This one is odd, because they seem to have shot Anne facing the opposite direction. I think they flipped it for the print edition.

Also, out of Elle’s five covers (three solo), they picked my least favorite to recreate.

MJ Day says in one of the making-of videos that Anne is a dead ringer for Elle, which struck me as false, until I browsed Anne’s oeuvre. There may be a bit of a resemblance, actually.

I’d love to have seen Anne slathered in green for this shot:

Better Shot

As an ass man, I was taken with this one.

• • •

Chrissy Teigen as Tannia Rubiano

Okay, so there’s about one-twentieth the amount of “fabric” on Chrissy’s body, but I suppose modern audiences wouldn’t stand for a skirt of paint all around Chrissy’s thighs.

It’s a cute shot, and probably the most successful of the bunch at capturing the original pose. But it also highlights another huge difference from era to era: look at Chrissy’s slender little hips compared to the full, curvy pelvis of Tannia. It’s the type of difference I don’t notice looking at today’s photos on their own, but man, it sure is apparent how our beauty standards have changed over the decades when you see them side-by-side.

I have to say, I prefer the 1971 body. Give us some hips!

Better Shot

This one’s pretty sweet.

• • •

Kate Upton as Daniela Pestova

Did someone order some hips?

Part of this may be an optical illusion caused by the significantly smaller painted-on bikini bottom. But there’s no denying that Kate has fuller hips than Daniela did. And Kate’s immense popularity may indicate that the pendulum is swinging toward curves, or at least a greater range of what’s considered an attractive model’s body type. Go Kate!

The recreation suffers from the requisite stiffness, but Kate is up to the task. I’ve long ago given up my resistance. I am seduced, and resigned to my Kate fate.

Better Shot

Sigh.

• • •

Nina Agdal and Ariel Meredith as Valeria Mazza and Tyra Banks

Just delightful. I have no complaints about this pairing. The original cover was great, the reproduction manages to capture the fun sexiness of it.

I love Ariel—she’s one of my favorites of the current crop of models. Desert island, I actually think I’d take Ariel over Tyra. Valeria would win out over Nina. So to sum up, this desert island has a population consisting of 1) me, 2) 1996 Valeria Mazza, and 3) 2013 Ariel Meredith.

Better Shot

Together, I like this one.

One advantage to having two girls is you can simultaneously display the front and back wonders of the female body.

(Kathy and Elle knew it too.)

Individually, I like this Nina:

…and this Ariel:

• • •

By the way, Tyra and Daniela have now had both of their covers recreated, first by Marisa Miller and second by bodypaint.

Countdown: 1 Day to Go

1964

Let’s give the number one slot to Babette March. Every cover girl has followed in her footsteps.

I’m looking forward to Alyssa’s tribute to her.

See you tomorrow.

Covers of Covers

A sharp-eyed, anonymous commenter pointed something out to me yesterday, something I failed to see despite it being directly in front of me. For the 50th swimsuit issue, SI must be recreating some iconic covers, using current models and bodypaint.

Looks like we’re getting Babette March (1964):

…Tannia Rubiano (1971):

…and Tyra and Valeria (1996):

I think it’s a great idea—a celebration of the history of the issue, mixed in with the relatively recent bodypainting tradition and some current favorite models.

Tyra’s 1997 cover and Daniela’s 1995 cover have already been impersonated by Marisa. What other covers would you like to see? Who’s our generation’s Paulina?

What current models would they cast as the 1994 threesome?

This feature seems like something that should be a surprise, not to be revealed until February of 2013. I wonder if MJ Day and company accidentally released more clues than they were supposed to?

In any case, I just got a jolt of excitement about the 2013 issue. Just a couple months to wait.

48 Years Ago Today

1/20/64: the cover date of the first swimsuit issue.

Hottest Bikini Shots

A couple months ago, the folks at Complex.com put together a list of the 50 Hottest Bikini Shots of All Time. Aside from a few inaccuracies (including a hazy idea of what constitutes a “bikini”), it’s a great list.

Predictably, there are lots of SI girls, and near the end of the list it’s almost a Tourette-style tirade of swimsuit issue covers.

#44: Paulina PorizkovaThey refer to this shot as coming from 1987, but it’s from 1985. My first swimsuit issue, seared in my memory.

#43: Christie BrinkleyThey list this as from 1975, but it's actually from 1981. It was good enough for SI to recreate it with Marisa Miller almost a quarter century later.
#41: Brooklyn DeckerThe only SI girl in a non-SI setting. Nice choice.
#34: Kathy IrelandFrom Complex’s description:
“This image was a cornerstone in Ms. Ireland’s career because it was a ridiculously long time coming for the S.I. vet. After 13 consecutive appearances in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issues, she had finally earned a solo cover.”

Welllllll, 1992 was Kathy’s ninth consecutive year, not her thirteenth. (She was in twelve altogether.)

Also, she had her first solo cover three years earlier, in 1989 (the 25th Anniversary issue).

Finally, by specifying that she “finally” had a “solo cover,” they seem to imply that the cover she shared with Elle Macpherson and Rachel Hunter came out earlier than this one. In fact, it came out two years later, in 1994.

#32: Babette MarchStill a sexy photo. Babette is an artist with her own gallery now.
#30: Irina Shayk
#23: Elle Macpherson/Kathy Ireland/Rachel Hunter
#20: Niki TaylorNot what I’d call a bikini, but certainly a good choice for One-Piece Wednesday.

#18: Marisa Miller
#17: Elsa Benitez
#16:ValeriaMazza/Tyra Banks
#15: Cheryl TiegsYum. One of the giants on whose shoulders stand Irina, Marisa, Brooklyn, etc!

#14: Christie BrinkleyAnother pioneer. This may have been the skimpiest bikini on the cover to date (1981).

#12: Petra NemcovaEight years later, and she’s still adjusting those strings.

#6: Beyoncé
#2: Tyra BanksTyra’s intro to the all-bikini 1997 issue is the highest-rated SI bikini shot on the list. (I call for an asterisk, as #1 is Farrah Fawcett in a red one piece.)