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From The Onion:

Son, 'Sports Illustrated' Swimsuit Issue Consummate Relationship

One-Piece Wednesday: Stephanie Seymour, 1989

Show Us Your Tats

Niki Taylor is getting some tattoos removed, in particular this one on her arm.

"I am removing it because it is stopping me from getting some work I think," she says, adding that the removal is more painful than childbirth.

Lots of other SI models have had tattoos removed, though in a much less painful way—good old-fashioned airbrushing. While Stephanie Seymour’s right-ankle tattoo (which she got sometime between her 1989 and 1991 appearances) remains visible in one or two photos:

Happy 44th birthday to Stephanie, by the way.

…well-inked models like Jessica White and Cintia Dicker have their tattoos mysteriously disappear:

In 1999, curiously, Sarah O’Hare’s shoulder slashes did not appear in the printed magazine, but did appear in the online photos.

And Amber Smith’s bikini-girl leg tattoo, so very visible in non-SI photos…

…was obliterated in print:

One-Pic Wonder: Amber Noelle, 1999

Amber Noelle achieves ultimate one-hit wonder status. She appears in just one photo from the 1999 issue, and then she disappears.

But what a photo.

One-Piece Wednesday: Jessica Gomes, 2009

Happy Birthday, Lucia Dvorska

24 today.

Friday the 13th

Occasionally, SI will publish a candid photo of a model getting surprised by a rogue wave. In particular, a photo like this would appear every couple of years in the desk calendars from the 90s. (When you have 52 weeks to fill, you might as well throw in some comic relief.)

There’s something funny about seeing a beautiful, swimsuit-clad woman, who a second ago was surely looking quite composed and sultry, suddenly overcome with a split second of panic. It’s about the unluckiest thing I can think of to show happening to these girls.

Rachel Hunter, 1990 (from the 1991 desk calendar)

Angie Everhart, 1992 (from the 1993 desk calendar)

Amber Smith, 1993 (from the 1994 desk calendar)

One-Piece Wednesday: Ariel Meredith, 2012

And happy 26th birthday.

Happy Birthday, Daniella Sarahyba

Her Royal Smileness is 28 today.

This picture sums her up pretty well. Bikini-clad, grinning, suspended in mid-air.

Pucker Up

Happy International Kissing Day.

One-Piece Independence Day

Celebrate the USA by celebrating Ireland.

One-Hit Wonder: Louise Forsling (1998)

Something really appealed to me about Louise, in her desolate Ecuadorian landscape. This was the straight-up sexiest photo of her in the 1998 issue:

But there’s something so endearing, almost goofy about her.

That huge toothy grin.

She seems so guileless. Here she is, posing for one of the most prestigious publications a model can snag for herself, and it looks like she’s doing it as a lark. It’s like you convinced your girlfriend to pose on vacation.

“Hey Louise! Pretend you’re in the swimsuit issue!”

“Yeah, right!”

“Come on! Make love to the camera.”

“Gross.”

A bit of trivia: She sued Estée Lauder last year for artificially aging her photo for an ad.

Happy Birthday, Kelly Emberg

53 today.