Swimsuitologist: Broad Strokes

Last year I mentioned that the swimsuit issue had several shots of models’ bodies. No heads, just torsos. I was simultaneously thrilled and hesitant about it.

I assumed we’d see a bunch more shots like that this year. But as far as I can see, there are only two. And they are both painted bodies of model search girls.

Behold: Anne De Paula and Lisa-Marie Jaftha. In painted one-piecers for One-Piece Wednesday.

They happen to be my two favorites of this year’s search. Specifically, Lisa-Marie is freaking magnificent. She reminds me of Lais in the ideal swimsuitness of her body.

Oh, for the record: beautiful face as well.

And everything else.

Plus, “Lisa” and “Lais” are anagrams, so let’s get both girls on board for 2018. However, I don’t know where to go to vote for her, or even if the vote is still going on. And that fact makes me realize I’ve felt kind of bland toward this year’s issue.

I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s everything else going on in the world. Maybe the Christie Brinkley news gave me some early idea that the issue would be gimmicky. Maybe it’s the loss of some of my favorite 2016 girls and the return of some who I might not miss as much. Maybe I’m just getting old.

But the fact is, the issue is filled with beautiful photos. Samantha Hoopes is a model I have never been real excited about (she’s got a 1980s hair metal music video vibe to her), but she has some very pretty, understated shots.

After my initial fit of downloading, I’ve been able to linger over the shots in a more leisurely fashion, and there’s a lot of greatness here. Not least of which is a stellar year from Hailey Clauson, so let’s give her a bonus One-Piece Wednesday for this amazingness.