Turning Back the Pages

This is old news, but here’s Paulina Porizkova wearing nothing but a bikini bottom and a book.

She shared it on her Instagram to endorse the mind-enriching act of reading and also to show off her 52-year-old body.

If she were to pull a Christie Brinkley and pop back into a swimsuit for a few shots with SI, I’d be in favor of that.

She also recently posted this German Vogue cover of Gigi Hadid wearing some sort of jumpsuit festooned with retro Vogue covers.

Paulina’s cover from September of 1986 appears twice on Gigi’s right.

And hey, here’s another Playboy! August of 1987 brought us Paulina in a foldout cover with the bunny hidden in her hair under her left triceps.

• • •

Speaking of 80s throwbacks, here’s a preview video of the 2018 swimsuit issue.

I see neon colors, check patterns, and sky-high-cut bikini bottoms. The 80s are back.

Barbara Palvin

Hailey Clauson

Chase Carter

Hailey Clauson

Robin Holzken

And SI can’t seem to stop dressing up their models as previous models. Here are some of the “final 15” from their open casting call, gathered at Miami Swim Week, whatever that was. Most or all of them seem to be wearing bikinis we first saw on other models in previous issues.

Left to right, this is Olivia Jordan, Kate de Paz, Stefanie Rachel, Keyeriah Miles, Kayla Fitzgerald, and Dessie Mitcheson.

Olivia is wearing Marisa Miller’s suit from the 2008 cover.

Kate’s bikini is similar, though not identical, to Myla Dalbesio’s from last year.

Keyeriah is clearly invoking Irina Shayk from 2011.

And Dessie is dressed as Hannah Davis from 2015.

If Stefanie’s and Kayla’s are from other years, I haven’t been able to place them. They both look like the kind of candy-colored bikinis we saw on Alyssa Miller from 2011, but I have nothing conclusive.

Anyway, we’re getting closer! I’m looking forward to it, but in kind of a mild, matter-of-fact way. I’m hoping to get more excited as time goes on.

Orange You Glad It's Kiss a Ginger Day?

Chin up: We're about a month away from Swimsuit 2018.

Quoth the Raven "Lingerie"

Some nice shots of Raven Lyn in Maxim, which continues to grow beyond the lad rag it was in my youth.

See you in about six and a half weeks, Raven!

Getting to the Bottom of Things

I realized something important.

Nina Agdal’s 2017 “vajazzle” is essentially Carolyn Murphy’s 2006 bikini bottom, without the bikini bottom.

• • •

In other swimsuit news, Emily Ratajkowski has been accused of swiping Lisa Marie Fernandez’s designs for her swimwear line.

Specifically, this segmented one-piece:

And this bikini top:

I’ve studied the matter at great length, and I think Lisa Marie has a case.

Back to Basics

This news is a month old now, but Christie Brinkley’s daughter Sailor is officially a 2018 rookie.

It’s pretty cool that there’s a second-generation model now.

She was born in July of 1998, which is disturbingly recent. That was the Heidi Klum cover year.

I have too vivid memories of that issue coming out to believe that there’s a adult human being who didn’t exist yet, who will now be disrobing for us in the same magazine.

Sailor is beautiful. But would she have made that 1998 issue? Could she have held her own alongside Heidi, Tyra, Rebecca, Daniela, Stacey?

There are just SO MANY MODELS in every issue now. Which on one hand is great. You have this bacchanalian sense of being buried in swimsuit models.

But I think maybe a limit on the number would result in a more solid cream-of-the-crop.

The last ten years (2008-2017) gave us an average of just under 20 models per issue (not counting athletes, model searches, and other special guests). They first broke 20 in 2014 with that massive influx of 12 rookies, and they haven’t dipped below 20 since.

I thought I’d compare that to my first decade of swimsuit issues, the golden years of 1985 to 1994. The average for those years was just over 10 models per issue.

In fact, there were more rookies in 2014 than there were models in 1985 (6), 1986 (6), 1987 (7), 1991 (10), 1992 (10), or 1993 (11).

In addition, there are so many one-hit wonders and contest runners-up and casting-call hopefuls each year that I wish we’d had in the magazine today. (Sofia Resing, Daniela Lopez, Jasmine Tookes, Martha Hunt, I’m looking at all of you.)

Jasmine was a model search option in 2011.

The heart weeps.

I thought of a project for myself. What if I were to put together the ideal alternate-history 2018 swimsuit issue with models who could have conceivably found their way in?

My rules were that I could pick anyone who had either been an official model in the magazine or appeared as a model-search contestant. (No casting calls. Sorry Martha.)

And I set a challenge to keep it to 15 models: Halfway between the 10 from my youth and the 20 from today.

Here’s what I came up with. There were some hard choices. But I think this would be a solid 2018 swimsuit issue.

Barbara Palvin

Bo Krsmanovic

Cris Urena

Daniela Lopez

Hailey Clauson

Hannah Ferguson

Jasmine Tookes

Kelly Rohrbach

Lais Ribeiro

Lauren Mellor

Michelle Vawer

Myla Dalbesio

Rose Bertram

Sara Sampaio

Vita Sidorkina

There are eight 2017 models I’d include: Barbara, Bo, Hailey, Hannah, Lais, Myla, Rose, and Vita.

There’s a trio of one-hit wonders I’ve been holding a torch for: Cris, Lauren, and Michelle.

There are two model search contestants who didn’t win their model searches: Daniela and Jasmine. (I will say this: Jasmine is about ten times hotter now than she was as a model search girl.)

Jasmine then.

Jasmine now.

And finally, two girls who only came back for one more issue after they won Rookie of the Year: Kelly (one of my esoteric obsessions) and Sara (a no-brainer).

You might notice a lack of my girl Julie Henderson. I’m still sad she’s not appearing to me every February. But her first year was 2007, and I think even if she’d kept returning after 2013 she probably would have called it quits by now. I tried to make this list out of women who would grace the pages today.

(That said: Julie, if you’re listening, come out of hiding! I’d love to behold you one again!)

Kate Bock is a girl who I’ve unexpectedly gotten into, but she just missed the cut. So did Emily DiDonato. So did my two favorite painted contestants from 2017, Anne De Paula and Lisa Marie Jaftha. Kate Upton came up against a bevy of blonde girls and just missed the cut. But any of them could be switched in, and it would be a beautiful lineup.

The real issue is taking shape as we speak; shooting is underway. The mystery bodies (and not-so-mystery bodies) are trickling in.

I’m pretty excited by a young lady they just revealed by the name of Raven Lyn.

She’ll make a cornerstone to a solid 2018.

Onward to February!