Ten-Hit Wonders

These are, in my humble opinion, the ten best one-hit wonders to grace the swimsuit issue in this blog’s ten-year history.

#10 Georgia Gibbs (2018)

First appearance: February 28, 2018, Models Named in Suit

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#9 Lauren Mellor (2014)

First appearance: December 6, 2013, Copycats

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#8 Kenza Fourati (2011)

First appearance: February 12, 2011, Your 2011 Rookies

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#7 Michelle Vawer (2012)

First appearance: November 16, 2011, One-Piece Wednesday: 2012 Mystery Ladies

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#6 Bregje Heinen (2014)

(This swimsuit alone would have gotten her on this list.)

First appearance: June 4 2013, So It Begins

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#5 Sofia Resing (2016)

First appearance: February 17, 2016, Headless Body in Topless Photo

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#4 Cris Urena (2014)

First appearance: December 6, 2013, Copycats

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#3 Chase Carter (2018)

First appearance: January 28, 2018, Turning Back the Pages

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#2 Kelly Gale (2017)

First appearance: February 7, 2017, Christie’s Back

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#1 Raven Lyn (2018)

First appearance: October 19, 2017, Back to Basics

Interesting trivia: The one-hit wonders of the last decade had a Lyn (Raven, 2018) and a Lynn (Tara, 2019) as well as a Ren (Alexis, 2018) and a Renn (Crystal, 2012).

Topless Tuesday: Robin Holzken, 2018

You know, the world seems pretty down on this year’s swimsuit issue.

I went in with some pessimism too. There’s a lot of extracurricular activity around this year’s issue that kind of overpowered the main thrust of it.

The main thrust, however, remains beautiful women in bikinis. Or at least half-bikinis.

Enter Robin Holzken, 2018 rookie.

For me, she’s one of the under-the-radar gems of this issue.

Robin is gorgeous. And dare I say, I think she’s got a Kathy Ireland thing going. (Long live the 80s.) She has the square jaw and thick eyebrows and piercing eyes that Kathy brought to the pages.

I no longer do the “Rookie Math” that I did for 2011 and 2012. But I think Robin is Kathy Ireland with a dash of Lauren Mellor.

Anyway, this photo could easily have graced the pages of a mid-80s SI swimsuit issue.

She’s also got an adorable personality, as evidenced in her “Uncovered” video.

I’m a fan!

That’s the Way the Rookie Crumbles 2015

With a whopping twelve rookies introduced in 2014, someone had to slip away in 2015. I am actually surprised at how many did stick around. Seven: more than half of them.

We lost the entire Netherlands subcommittee: Bregje, Marloes, and Valerie. I expected at least one of them to stick around. Marloes was the swimsuit-model-lookingest girl of the bunch. And Bregje had those eyes. (And that one-piece.)

The most surprising return for me was Samantha Hoopes. Sexy, obviously. But she seemed like a very straightforward blonde-with-big-boobs, if that makes sense. (Though I suppose “blonde with big boobs” never hurt anyone’s chances in the swimsuit issue.)

Samantha has a pretty 2015, by the way.

I also thought Emily Ratajkowski was going to completely distance herself from SI, but she’s back.

I’m sad to lose Cris, but I believe she had a baby. And Lauren had loads of potential, in my opinion.

In any case, we now have seven rookies to watch. My predictions, from most likely to least likely to return:

1) Kelly (would probably be #2 if she hadn’t just gotten ROTY)
2) Hailey
3) Rose
4) Erin
5) Robyn
6) Solveig
7) Ashley

We’ll find out in a year!

Rookies crumbling 2013, 2012, 2011.

A Real Plus

One trend you may have noticed during the rookie casting calls: plus-size models.

There were a few of them. Here we have Ashley Graham, Julie Henderson (the other one), and Marquita Pring.

You may recall that, halfway through 2014, a trio of plus-size models recreated the swimsuit issue cover for a company called “Swimsuits for All.”

The model in the middle? Her name is Robyn Lawley, who had a casting call back in May. The scuttlebutt at Bellazon is that Robyn is one of the 2015 rookies.

I think it’s great. I don’t think SI necessarily has a responsibility to change standards of beauty (they’re more in the business of harnessing those standards for profit), but Robyn would be a standout from what you’re used to seeing.

I hope she doesn’t get a lot of abuse for it.

It’s not really my place to be concerned for her, I guess. I imagine it takes buckets of self-confidence to be a plus-size model, and she must be stocked with a whole armory of “go fuck yourselves” to use as needed. But still, the reaction to Ashley Smith’s teeth the other day makes me pessimistic about the response Robyn is going to get.

On the other hand, she doesn’t look all that plus-size in the (fully clothed) photos that accompanied her casting call

As noted before, Crystal Renn was a plus-size model, but by the time she got to SI that didn’t seem to be the case.

I don’t know if Lauren Mellor was ever considered plus-size, but there are some older photos where she’s notably curvier than she was in the 2014 swimsuit issue.

Personally, I’m all for making all women feel sexy as they want to feel. When that happens, we all win. I’m looking forward to Robyn’s photos.

One-Piece Wednesday: Lauren Mellor, Long Island Pulse

Here’s Lauren in a couple pretty one-piecers from a periodical called Long Island Pulse.

Mellor the Merrier

I found some shots of Lauren Mellor on a makeup designer’s website. They seem to be for some publication called “Lingerie Buyer.”

Apparently, it was shot on the set of “The King’s Speech.” So if you feel like you’re stammering a little while looking at these pictures, that’s why.

There’s a nice behind-the-scenes video here.

Lauren Mellor’s Disco-Ball One-Piece

I love this Lauren gif. It’s kind of cheeky, the way she’s holding the real suit while sporting the painted-on version.

It’s based on this Kathy Ireland shot from 1992.

And you can tell, even from this angle, that Kathy’s original suit had more coverage behind. But I shan’t complain.

This also marks the second time Kathy has been paid homage to. Marisa Miller did her back in 2004

Lauren has a sleek prettiness to her. I’m not surprised they gave her Kathy’s suit. She looks great in shiny things.