Monday, February 20, 2017

In Memoriam

Farewell to the seven non-rookies who did not return for 2017.

Erin Heatherton
Only two years from a pretty well established model. I’d have loved to see more of her, though I might have been the only person to enjoy last year’s offerings.

• • •

Kelly Rohrbach
I really liked Kelly. I tend to find pet obsessions (Julie Henderson, Kendra Fourati) that are a little out of the norm, although Kelly did win Rookie of the Year for what that’s worth. (This is the second straight year that a RoTY put in only one post-rookie appearance and vanished. Sara Sampaio did it too.)

• • •

Chanel Iman
Beautiful. I think her first year was her best, but I will miss the dreamy eyes and slender bod. By the way, did you know she was in a Kinect video game where she helps you become a celebrity or something?

• • •

Gigi Hadid
I have this odd feeling that she’s been a part of the swimsuit issue for longer than three years. She somehow has the feel of a staple. I thought she brought a great adorable blondeness to the proceedings, and I’m kind of surprised she’s gone already.
(And I guess we should probably stop holding out for a sisters feature.)

• • •

Lily Aldridge
Lily completely seduced me in her first appearance. She’s breathtakingly beautiful and seems like a sweet person in the interviews I’ve seen. I think she’ll always be one of my SI crushes.

• • •

Emily DiDonato
I’ll miss her. Captivating and eerily beautiful. Aside from having a too-short four-year stint in the swimsuit issue, she also had a weird 2015 that failed to key into her natural allure. I hope to see her around in other places. I’m not ready to give her up yet.

• • •

Irina Shayk
And what else can be said about Irina Shayk? Another Russian who spanned a decade, much like Anne V a couple years ago. She was part of the issue so often I kind of took her for granted. But I think she managed to get better looking as the years go by. She certainly didn’t lose a step. She’s a hall-of-famer.

• • •

With Irina gone, Chrissy Teigen is the last girl who predates my blog. I made my first post in 2010, a few months after the issue that included Chrissy as a rookie and Irina in what was already her fourth appearance, along with these famous and less-famous names: Anne V, Bar Refaeli, Brooklyn Decker, Chrissy Teigen, Cintia Dicker, Damaris Lewis, Daniella Sarahyba, Dominique Piek, Esti Ginzburg, Genevieve Morton, Hilary Rhoda, Jessica Gomes, Jessica White, Julie Henderson, Julie Ordon, Sonia Dara, Zoe Duchesne.
You did it, Chrissy. Whatever pool you girls had going, you can collect it now.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

That’s the Way the Rookie Crumbles 2017

Five babes enter. Three babes leave.

Biggest disappointment: We lost Sofia Resing, my favorite rookie from last year. I would have happily devoured more of this.
Wear that name proud, sweetheart.

We also lost Tanya Mityushina. For no reason I can explain, she didn’t leave much of an impression on me, though she’s beautiful.
She MAY have ripped off Kate Upton’s nun bikini for this last shot…

My favorite return is clearly Barbara Palvin, who gave us this INSTANT CLASSIC one-piece shot.
Oh. My. Goodness.

Babs seems much more comfortable this year than last. Definitely some of the best shots in the issue. Including lots of butt shots.
 
In fact, the whole issue seems to be rather butt-centric, which I am very happy about.
Hannah Ferguson, you destroy me.

I may crunch the numbers and see if there truly is a higher percentage of butt pics than in previous years. Though that would demand an arduous, thankless journey through hundreds of photos of beautiful, swimsuit-clad women. I wonder if I’m up for it.

Rookies crumbling 2016, 2015, 2013, 2012, 2011

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Bianca Valley of the Dolls

I’m still making my way through the photos.

Bianca Balti apparently won Rookie of the Year. Her pics are pretty beautiful. This is one of the most perfect topless shots I’ve ever seen. Just classic.

And speaking of topless, I was just noticing how clearly you can see Bianca’s nipples in some of the more sheer tops she wears…

When I did a double-take. This is just straight-up out-there topless.

I actually wondered if it was just an extremely sheer top she was wearing, but nope. Nothing at all.

No see-through wet tank top, no netting, no subtle black silhouette against the sky. No attempt to conceal it play it down or airbrush it out. It’s just free boobs.

It’s even in the still for her Rookie of the Year video, though that shot doesn’t seem to appear in the video itself.

Would these be the first ever truly topless shots in the swimsuit issue?

Amazing how in five short years we went from this:

 …to this:

This seems like a bit of a test to see if it would fly. I wouldn’t be surprised if next year, or maybe the year after that, we get full-on, well-lit nude breasts.

It's fascinating for this to happen so soon after Playboy’s experiment with covering them up.

Not sure how I feel about it, but a part of me is certainly titillated.

One-Piece Wednesday: Kate Upton, 2017

Kate Upton is tied with Irina Shayk.

(Coincidentally, that’s the first line of a lot of my SI swimsuit erotic fan fiction.)

Anyway, I left this blog, and Kate left the swimsuit issue, so I figured there was no way Kate would catch up to Irina for number of posts.

Well, both retirements turned out to be temporary. So this post gives both girls 64 appearances. Here’s our cover girl in a pretty one-piece.

She looks good. She’s lost some babyish-ness and looks more mature (though even now she’s only 24). Still some nice swimsuit curves, but more “woman” and less “girl.”

Oh, and Bo… That “wearing nothing but a white scarf and boots in the snow” thing?

Kate did it years ago.

But Bo, who sports a magnificent swimsuit body of her own, still warrants a bonus One-Piece Wednesday.

Kate, Kate, Kate

I was absolutely not expecting this.


She looks fantastic, though! Welcome back!

Real question. Does this bring Kate to three front covers, tying her with Christie? Or five, tying her with Elle?

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Northern Exposure

Chilly northern climate + bikini + husky puppy: Who wore it better?

A Myla Minute

I honestly thought the issue would be out by now. Turns out the cover model will be revealed tonight.

However, they’re revealing a bit of content every hour today leading up to it.

One piece of content: An essay on feminism and its relation to the swimsuit issue, written by beautiful rookie Myla Dalbesio.


It’s pretty interesting, and I love seeing her bare her soul about her conflicting assumptions and how she ended up where she is. She went from a dark fascination with pinup imagery to resentment to eye-rolling to a sense of sexual freedom. I like hearing, directly from the models, that this can all be positive and fun and sexy and non-exploitative.

But sometimes you’re a dimwit on Facebook who has an idiotic knee-jerk reaction to the word “feminist.”


Look. If you’re a guy who feels your masculinity is threatened by the feminism of a woman WHO POSES FOR BIKINI PICS IN SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, you are ridiculous beyond words.

Anyway, welcome aboard, Myla! I’m looking forward to more.