Thursday, October 19, 2017

Back to Basics

This news is a month old now, but Christie Brinkley’s daughter Sailor is officially a 2018 rookie.
It’s pretty cool that there’s a second-generation model now.

She was born in July of 1998, which is disturbingly recent. That was the Heidi Klum cover year.
I have too vivid memories of that issue coming out to believe that there’s a adult human being who didn’t exist yet, who will now be disrobing for us in the same magazine.

Sailor is beautiful. But would she have made that 1998 issue? Could she have held her own alongside Heidi, Tyra, Rebecca, Daniela, Stacey?

There are just SO MANY MODELS in every issue now. Which on one hand is great. You have this bacchanalian sense of being buried in swimsuit models.

But I think maybe a limit on the number would result in a more solid cream-of-the-crop.

The last ten years (2008-2017) gave us an average of just under 20 models per issue (not counting athletes, model searches, and other special guests). They first broke 20 in 2014 with that massive influx of 12 rookies, and they haven’t dipped below 20 since.

I thought I’d compare that to my first decade of swimsuit issues, the golden years of 1985 to 1994. The average for those years was just over 10 models per issue.

In fact, there were more rookies in 2014 than there were models in 1985 (6), 1986 (6), 1987 (7), 1991 (10), 1992 (10), or 1993 (11).

In addition, there are so many one-hit wonders and contest runners-up and casting-call hopefuls each year that I wish we’d had in the magazine today. (Sofia Resing, Daniela Lopez, Jasmine Tookes, Martha Hunt, I’m looking at all of you.)


The heart weeps.

I thought of a project for myself. What if I were to put together the ideal alternate-history 2018 swimsuit issue with models who could have conceivably found their way in?

My rules were that I could pick anyone who had either been an official model in the magazine or appeared as a model-search contestant. (No casting calls. Sorry Martha.)


And I set a challenge to keep it to 15 models: Halfway between the 10 from my youth and the 20 from today.

Here’s what I came up with. There were some hard choices. But I think this would be a solid 2018 swimsuit issue.

Barbara Palvin

Bo Krsmanovic

Cris Urena

Daniela Lopez

Hailey Clauson

Hannah Ferguson

Jasmine Tookes

Kelly Rohrbach

Lais Ribeiro

Lauren Mellor

Michelle Vawer

Myla Dalbesio

Rose Bertram

Sara Sampaio

Vita Sidorkina

There are eight 2017 models I’d include: Barbara, Bo, Hailey, Hannah, Lais, Myla, Rose, and Vita.

There’s a trio of one-hit wonders I’ve been holding a torch for: Cris, Lauren, and Michelle.

There are two model search contestants who didn’t win their model searches: Daniela and Jasmine. (I will say this: Jasmine is about ten times hotter now than she was as a model search girl.)
Jasmine then.

Jasmine now.

And finally, two girls who only came back for one more issue after they won Rookie of the Year: Kelly (one of my esoteric obsessions) and Sara (a no-brainer).

You might notice a lack of my girl Julie Henderson. I’m still sad she’s not appearing to me every February. But her first year was 2007, and I think even if she’d kept returning after that year she probably would have called it quits by now. I tried to make this list out of women who would grace the pages today.

(That said: Julie, if you’re listening, come out of hiding! I’d love to behold you one again!)

Kate Bock is a girl who I’ve unexpectedly gotten into, but she just missed the cut. So did Emily DiDonato. So did my two favorite painted rookies from 2017, Anne De Paula and Lisa Marie Jaftha. Kate Upton came up against a bevy of blonde girls and just missed the cut. But any of them could be switched in, and it would be a beautiful lineup.

The real issue is taking shape as we speak; shooting is underway. The mystery bodies (and not-so-mystery bodies) are trickling in.

I’m pretty excited by a young lady they just revealed by the name of Raven Lyn.


She’ll make a cornerstone to a solid 2018.


Onward to February!

Saturday, September 30, 2017

DONATE TO HELP PUERTO RICO

Our idiot president is doing everything he can to be on the wrong side of this. So it’s up to us.

This is where I donated.
https://hispanicfederation.org/donate

Here are some photos of Jamee Becker, Erin Gray, and Vicky Howard from when the swimsuit issue shot in Puerto Rico for the 1969 issue.
DONATE TO HELP PUERTO RICO

• • •

Here are some photos of Cheryl Tiegs, Carol Latimer, and Libby Otis from when the swimsuit issue shot in Puerto Rico for the 1974 issue.
DONATE TO HELP PUERTO RICO

• • •

Here’s Olympic Gold Medal swimmer Amanda Beard in Puerto Rico for the 2005 swimsuit issue.
DONATE TO HELP PUERTO RICO

• • •

Here’s Yamila Diaz in 2002 stretched out out on a Puerto Rican flag in Spanish Harlem.
DONATE TO HELP PUERTO RICO

Monday, September 18, 2017

NSFW NYFW

Okay, so now they’re just trolling me, right?


Irina Shayk (and a few other SI models) marched down the runway during New York Fashion Week for something called Phillipp Plein. The theme, apparently, was fetishy Disney.

Nice (shirt? minidress?), Irina. Can we zoom in on the design?


Yep, that seems to be the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio, poised to lengthen certain wooden appendages—I apologize, this is a filthy joke, I’ll stop.

In any case, someone somewhere must have been wishing on a star.


[UPDATE, in case anyone cares... The illustration I found, above, is the Blue Fairy. But the Disney damsel on Irina's shirt looks to be Cinderella. Clearly the same illustrator.]

• • •

In other news, I’ve gotten a few posts taken down from this blog, all featuring Kathy Ireland.

I received notifications from Blogger that someone representing Kathy filed complaints of violations of her copyright. The first one was back in June, then I got a couple more about a week ago.

It seems odd to me. I can’t imagine Kathy Ireland, as opposed to SI, owns the copyright on those images. But whoever DOES own those images, it ain’t me. I’m just borrowing them.

Anyway, I’m complying. I won’t even include another pic of her for illustration, as tempting as it may be.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Thumb-Thing I Wish I'd Come Up With A Few Years Ago

"Thumb-Hook Thursday."
Can you imagine the one-two-three punch of Topless Tuesday, One-Piece Wednesday, and Thumb-Hook Thursday? Every week would be a piece of cake.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

A Day Devoted Two Piece

Apparently it's National Bikini Day, and who am I to turn that down as an opportunity to showcase some of the finest bikinis in the 2017 issue?