Flower Patch Death Match

White, Ruffly Bikini on a Bed of Yellow Flowers: Who Wore It Better?

Kathy Ireland, 1986

Marisa Miller, 2004

Olivia Culpo, 2020

(The answer, obviously, is Kathy. But the others are lovely as well.)

One-Piece Wednesday: Jasmine Sanders, 2020

I love high-cut suits. And this is a high-cut suit.

The V goes all the way up to her breasts, revealing that they’ve once again edited out Jasmine’s pelvis tattoo. But the sharp angle is interrupted by the belts at waist level. Which is the right move.

Contrast that with this number on Olivia.

This is the kind of swimsuit I fantasized about creating when I was an adolescent. I figured, if I liked high-cut legs, the higher the better, right? A couple of straight lines leading down directly from the armpits. The sharpest angle you can get.

I’m a grownup now, and I recognize that this is too much. Maybe the sleeves could be removed and used as a couple of belts?

Anyway, I'm getting more and more into Jasmine. Those pale eyes are so striking.

Unfortunately, this might be another instance, like with Erin Heatherton, where SI doesn't quite capture the model as beautifully as she deserves. Here are some Victoria's Secret photos that I think elevate her beyond what we've seen from SI so far.

(They erase her tattoo too...)

Basic Black

The cover is out, and it’s another threesome.

Kate, Jasmine, and Olivia team up to usher in 2020, at long last.

It’s a solid cover. I like the stark elegance of all the black swimsuits. The girls look good.

I don’t know what “Life, Levity and the Pursuit of Beauty” means… I guess “levity” might be a nod to the idea I mentioned yesterday — that the world is pretty heavy right now, so let’s enjoy some bikinis. “The pursuit of beauty” might be a reference to their mission of expanding beauty ideals, but that too is odd considering that all three models have pretty conventional swimsuit bodies.

Why it’s all wrapped in a Declaration of Independence reference, I have no idea. Maybe they thought this would come out closer to the Fourth?

And did they consider “Life, Liberty and the SWIMsuit of Happiness”?

Anyway, the girls are all just kind of standing there. A single hot girl in a great dynamic pose would have been better. Even two girls can leave room for a fun visual.

But SI is still on a kick of overloading us with covergirls. Each girl apparently gets her own cover, too, but those are similarly straightforward.

I’m sad that my holy trinity of Barbara Palvin, Lais Ribeiro, and Hailey Clauson all departed in one fell swoop. Babs and Lais should have gotten at least one cover between them. And Emily DiDonato’s return would have been nicely enhanced with a cover.

Nothing against this trio. I’ve become quite a fan of Kate, I was an early adapter of Olivia, and Jasmine looks pretty magnificent. And they make a very alluring harem.

(SI seems to have pre-released the three models’ individual shoots in their entirety, which is new.)

Anyway, let’s induct Miss Culpo into Underboob Monday as we digest this newest batch of photos and wait for the rest of the magazine.

Of COVID and Covers

The swimsuit issue started as a way to fill time during the sports-light winter months, and maybe it’s appropriate that this year’s will arrive to distract us from the pandemic.

MJ Day announced that something will be revealed on Good Morning America tomorrow. Will they reveal the cover? I’m not sure what other surprise it could be, but her Instagram message invites us to guess.

Anyway, I think the issue goes live on July 21, about a week and a half from now. So let’s whet our appetites with some of the previews they’ve dropped for us over the last few months.

Relevant to Your Interests

A couple cute videos I stumbled across from something called Glam.com.

First, 100 Years of Swimwear, portrayed in bodypaint.



Then, 100 Years of Film Fashion. You may recognize the ingenue as our own Olivia Culpo.

One-Piece Wednesday: Olivia Culpo, 2019

Last year, I mentioned I wanted to see Olivia Culpo, who had only done a nude “In Her Own Words” shoot, in an actual swimsuit.

Got my wish this year, and I’m pleased with the result.

She has a great bod for one-piecers.

In researching Olivia just now (she’s Italian and Irish! she’s the first Rhode Islander to be named Miss Universe! she has a street in Cranston named after her!), I found out that the 2019 swimsuit issue was released on her 27th birthday! So happy belated, Olivia Culpo.

Calendar Girls, Revisited: 1992 Part 2

The first full week of May was very fertile. Elle Macpherson presides over the arrival of Hannah Ferguson (3/5) and Olivia Culpo (3/8).

August 6 brought us Haley Kalil, celebrated by Elle and Rachel Hunter.

Ebonee Davis was born November 17 while Judit Masco posed on her boat.

Models Named in Suit

Seven years ago, SI made (nearly) all of the models wear gold necklaces bearing their names.

In 2016, they got out the label maker again, this time in the form of black one-piece swimsuits and only for the rookies.

They took a break from that in 2017, but this year they’re back: rookies with their names emblazoned proudly across their silver, black, or pink one-piecers.

I think it’s pretty sexy that they have their names on their suits. It’s like they’ve all been categorized and displayed for my inspection.

Happy One-Piece Wednesday.