Christie and the Brinklettes

A few years ago, I spared a thought for Christie Brinkley’s (then-)teenage son, and how awkward it must be to have a mom who’s ubiquitous in sexy swimsuit photos.

Well guess what, Jack…

This just got three times as weird for you.

We may not get the Gigi/Bella sister photoshoot we’d like, but we did get a couple sisters this year: Alexis and Sailor fill out their bikinis rather nicely.

Sailor does indeed resemble her mom a bit. They both have that California girl radiance.

Whaddaya think? Are they related?

You know what would have been great? If they had Sailor recreate some of her mom’s poses. They’ve been so focused on historical recreations lately, with one model impersonating an earlier one. Wouldn’t it have been great to see Sailor doing some old-school Christie shots?

Or her three consecutive covers? That’s something I’d love to have seen.

Heck, get Sailor and Alexis together to pay homage to Christie and Maria Joao.

There were some homages this year. At least one intentional… Kate Bock here is clearly invoking Farrah Fawcett.

(Of course, Heidi beat her to it.)

Lais here reminds me of Talisa Soto.

And of course Hannah Ferguson waited only one year to pay tribute to Gigi Hadid.

And lovely tennis star Genie Bouchard casts an eye toward Rachel Hunter...

...and Kelly Emberg.

Yes, these are all quite a stretch. I'm okay making them though.

Rookie One-Piece Wednesday

Seven rookies, listed from my most favorite to least.

Lais Ribeiro

Yep, she’s still my favorite. Still flawless.

Kelly Gale

And Kelly remains directly behind Lais. Sultry AF. Bring her back.

Myla Dalbesio

I love her body, and her photos have a lot of fun to them. I’d like to see more.

Vita Sidorkina

I didn’t expect to like her as much as I do. I thought she’d be too much of a pale blonde ice queen, but hey, I’m not immune to blondes in bikinis I guess. There’s a certain mischief to her photos.

Bianca Balti

Rookie of the Year, so she’s probably a lock for next year. There’s something classic and timeless about her, like a 1960s beauty. But I can’t seem to get entirely swept up with her.

Danielle Herrington

She had some nice, striking photos this year, but I’d predict her as least likely to return next year.

Mia Kang

She doesn’t have any one-piece suits this year, so let’s go the opposite: some strategically placed doilies.

 Though here’s a barely-one-piece suit from her model search photos last year.

I think I’d prefer any of the other models from last year’s search. Mia’s hot, but I find myself contemplating what might have been.

Last year, I was a Caroline or Ebonee guy. But now I think my favorite girl would have been Daniela Lopez.

Gorgeous, yes, but let’s call out the main point. She has perhaps the most magnificent ass to ever grace the pages of the swimsuit issue.

I wouldn’t have minded 30 or so new photos of her.

In Memoriam

Farewell to the seven non-rookies who did not return for 2017.

Erin Heatherton

Only two years from a pretty well established model. I’d have loved to see more of her, though I might have been the only person to enjoy last year’s offerings.

• • •

Kelly Rohrbach

I really liked Kelly. I tend to find pet obsessions (Julie Henderson, Kenza Fourati) that are a little out of the norm, although Kelly did win Rookie of the Year for what that’s worth. (This is the second straight year that a RoTY put in only one post-rookie appearance and vanished. Sara Sampaio did it too.)

• • •

Chanel Iman

Beautiful. I think her first year was her best, but I will miss the dreamy eyes and slender bod. By the way, did you know she was in a Kinect video game where she helps you become a celebrity or something?

• • •

Gigi Hadid

I have this odd feeling that she’s been a part of the swimsuit issue for longer than three years. She somehow has the feel of a staple. I thought she brought a great adorable blondeness to the proceedings, and I’m kind of surprised she’s gone already.

(And I guess we should probably stop holding out for a sisters feature.)

• • •

Lily Aldridge

Lily completely seduced me in her first appearance. She’s breathtakingly beautiful and seems like a sweet person in the interviews I’ve seen. I think she’ll always be one of my SI crushes.

• • •

Emily DiDonato

I’ll miss her. Captivating and eerily beautiful. Aside from having a too-short four-year stint in the swimsuit issue, she also had a weird 2015 that failed to key into her natural allure. I hope to see her around in other places. I’m not ready to give her up yet.

• • •

Irina Shayk

And what else can be said about Irina Shayk? Another Russian who spanned a decade, much like Anne V a couple years ago. She was part of the issue so often I kind of took her for granted. But I think she managed to get even hotter as the years went by. She certainly didn’t lose a step. She’s a hall-of-famer.

• • •

With Irina gone, Chrissy Teigen is the last girl who predates my blog. I made my first post in 2010, a few months after the issue that included Chrissy as a rookie and Irina in what was already her fourth appearance, along with these famous and less-famous names: Anne V, Bar Refaeli, Brooklyn Decker, Cintia Dicker, Damaris Lewis, Daniella Sarahyba, Dominique Piek, Esti Ginzburg, Genevieve Morton, Hilary Rhoda, Jessica Gomes, Jessica White, Julie Henderson, Julie Ordon, Sonia Dara, Zoe Duchesne.

You did it, Chrissy. Whatever pool you girls had going, you can collect it now.

That’s the Way the Rookie Crumbles 2017

Five babes enter. Three babes leave.

Biggest disappointment: We lost Sofia Resing, my favorite rookie from last year. I would have happily devoured more of this.

Wear that name proud, sweetheart.

We also lost Tanya Mityushina. For no reason I can explain, she didn’t leave much of an impression on me, though she’s beautiful.

She MAY have ripped off Kate Upton’s nun bikini for this last shot…

My favorite return is clearly Barbara Palvin, who gave us this INSTANT CLASSIC one-piece shot.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Babs seems much more comfortable this year than last. Definitely some of the best shots in the issue. Including lots of butt shots.

 
In fact, the whole issue seems to be rather butt-centric, which I am very happy about.

Hannah Ferguson, you destroy me.

I may crunch the numbers and see if there truly is a higher percentage of butt pics than in previous years. Though that would demand an arduous, thankless journey through hundreds of photos of beautiful, swimsuit-clad women. I wonder if I’m up for it.

Rookies crumbling 2016, 2015, 2013, 2012, 2011