Flower Patch Death Match

White, Ruffly Bikini on a Bed of Yellow Flowers: Who Wore It Better?

Kathy Ireland, 1986

Marisa Miller, 2004

Olivia Culpo, 2020

(The answer, obviously, is Kathy. But the others are lovely as well.)

Swimulacra

Okay, so the #SwimsuitIconChallenge is super charming.

The recreations are fun and inventive and often pretty hot.

I’m particularly entranced by this bevy of Elles.

The makeshift solutions are pretty creative, too, using aloe leaves for Petra …

… blowdryers for Christie …

… Sony Walkmans for Marisa …

… and fast food signage for Carol.

Carol herself even got into the act, recreating a fellow cover girl shot.

I think there must have been a starter group of pics that participants could choose from, because there are no fewer than three recreations of this Chandra North pic (complete with heels).

I’m quite familiar with this photo, obviously, but it doesn’t seem like one of the iconic SI shots that would be first on anyone’s mind.

• • •

Anyway, one of the pics that was recreated was this one:

…along with a nice story of the woman who created it.

So in celebration of Alli and Jessica, let’s have a pineapple-themed Fruit Friday.

Butt Appreciation Day 2020: The Grable

There’s something specially sexy about the Grable pose.

Her back is to you. But she’s looking over her shoulder at you and smiling.

The only logical interpretation of this illogical pose is that she is happily inviting you to stare at her butt. She just like, “Have at it.” There’s no faux candidness, like you’ve stumbled upon her while she’s luxuriating in nature. There’s no sultry glares, like she’s engaged in the deadly serious business of titillation. Just a fun “Oh you like cute butts? Enjoy!”

Three components of the Grable:

Stand.

Glance over the shoulder.

Smile.

Free-Hip Friday: Marisa Miller, 2004

Hailey New Year

I just got my desk calendar/planner/diary or whatever for 2019.

Hailey Clauson is on the cover a second year in a row, making her the fifth girl to have a desk calendar cover-repeat, after Heidi Klum (1999/2000), Marisa Miller (2007/2008/2009), Brooklyn Decker (2010/2011), and Lily Aldridge (2015/2016). I think that list establishes Hailey as one of the elites.

She’s in a polka-dot bikini this year, ending a two-year streak of one-piecers (Hannah Davis wore one in 2017). Before that, there was a 17-year gap between Heidi Klum’s 1999 cover and Hannah’s. Bikinis, it seems, still reign.

I’ve expanded my collection of every desk calendar SI swimsuit has published, bringing the total to 30.

THREE DECADES. I’ve been a fan for a long time.

A few years ago (SEVEN ACTUALLY), I bridged the gap between generations of models by opening some of the earlier calendars to the birthdates of the more recent models. It was a fun and instantly aging thing to do. (Sailor Brinkley Cook, who I believe is the youngest SI swimsuit model currently in existence, was 13 and a half when I posted it.)

Good to have you, Sailor.

As I predicted, there are a lot more girls to do that with today than there were back in 2012. I thought I’d take the next few days to update the list.

And to feel so, so old.

Play Freeboob!

According to legend, the ancient mythical Amazons had one breast removed to allow them to become better archers.

I can only assume that was the inspiration behind these numbers sported by Kate Bock and Barbara Palvin.

These rather impractical one-piecers each cover only the right breast, leaving the left to be covered modestly by the palm of a hand.

They’re not good for beach volleyball, I guess is what I’m saying.

They’re not the first single-breast suits the swimsuit issue has shown us. Just last year, Hailey Clauson shared this number with us.

Now it’s the right breast that is free while the left one is hidden from view.

A couple years earlier, in 2015, Sara Sampaio and Sam Hoopes flaunted a couple of breasts: one left and one right.

Ten years earlier, in 2005, Anne V and Carolyn Murphy flaunted the same breast in possibly the same swimsuit.

And let us travel all the way back to 1990, when the lovely Elle Macpherson showed us what was right. (Marisa Miller followed suit in 2004.)

I have a feeling there are other examples that I wasn’t able to dig up. If I find more, I’ll update this post. But the current tally is 6 right breasts exposed, 3 left breasts exposed. (Or, if you're a pessimist, 3 right and 6 left concealed.)

But obviously, in order to be actual swimsuits, some additional cover would have to be added.

One that note, another theme of 2018 seems to be “mesh one-piece swimsuits so scandalous that they need to be worn with bikini bottoms underneath.”

See? Swimsuitologist is really just a fashion blog at heart.

• • •

You know what? Over a year later, I'm going to take the suggestion left in the comments by an anonymous tipster and include Kim Alexis here. Even though her back is to us, I think we can speculate that she's revealing her left and concealing her right. This is the suit referred to in the magazine, mysteriously, as "one-piece topless," and maybe that's what they meant.

Welcome, Kim!