Not Quite Finnish

Hailey Clauson and Bo Krsmanovic were such an iconic duo in 2017, huddled together against the icy Finnish landscape…

… that a year later Beach Bunny swimwear reunited them (in a warmer climate) to model some of their highly deserving swimsuit designs.

The shoot is listed as “Festival 2018,” but I have no idea if that’s a line of swimwear, or some kind of event, or what.

Hailey models the "Tango Bottom."

Bo's is listed as the “Skimpy Bottom” for some reason.

Their SI shoot was one of a handful of multi-girl shoots we’ve been treated to in recent years. I’m glad this chocolate-and-peanut-butter pairing was explored at least one more time.

A couple years ago, the SI Swimsuit app disappeared. I miss it. It often had more (and larger) photos than what you could find on the site. And occasionally you’d find a weird little mistake left over from an editing tweak, like the way they tilted and clone-stamped this Sam Hoopes pic to create what they thought was a better angle.

Bregje got a similar treatment.

The app is how I found this interesting pair of Hailey/Bo Finland photos.

You may notice that Hailey and Bo, as well as every square inch of the background, are identical in both pics. The only difference is the “reindeer staging,” as they call it in the swimsuit modeling industry.

They manipulated the pic to move the deer. The original photo is the one with the deer that’s (1) farther away from the sled and (2) turned away from the camera. They wanted a more photogenic placement. Here’s a translucent overlay of the two pics.

Even the reindeer’s body is the same. They got a head from a different reindeer photo and affixed it to this one.

Why can’t SI let reindeer embrace their bodies as they are without unrealistic, photoshopped expectations?

Free-Hip Friday: Samantha Hoopes, 2017

Hey Sam, I didn't do a Topless Tuesday this week. Would you mind...?

Calendar Girls, Revisited: 1991 Part 1

Kathy Ireland was busy in 1991. She welcomed no fewer than three future SI swimsuit models into the world.

First off was Samantha Hoopes on February 10.

Then came Emily Didonato two weeks later, on February 24.

Michaela was the calendar girl as Emrata arrived.

And then Maria von Hartz celebrated the arrival of 2019 rookie Jasmine Sanders.

There are too many girls for all their names to fit in the "Labels" section, which is a dumb reason to split 1991 into two posts unless you're some kind of obsessive who wants to make sure each model is listed and searchable, so here we are.

Play Freeboob!

According to legend, the ancient mythical Amazons had one breast removed to allow them to become better archers.

I can only assume that was the inspiration behind these numbers sported by Kate Bock and Barbara Palvin.

These rather impractical one-piecers each cover only the right breast, leaving the left to be covered modestly by the palm of a hand.

They’re not good for beach volleyball, I guess is what I’m saying.

They’re not the first single-breast suits the swimsuit issue has shown us. Just last year, Hailey Clauson shared this number with us.

Now it’s the right breast that is free while the left one is hidden from view.

A couple years earlier, in 2015, Sara Sampaio and Sam Hoopes flaunted a couple of breasts: one left and one right.

Ten years earlier, in 2005, Anne V and Carolyn Murphy flaunted the same breast in possibly the same swimsuit.

And let us travel all the way back to 1990, when the lovely Elle Macpherson showed us what was right. (Marisa Miller followed suit in 2004.)

I have a feeling there are other examples that I wasn’t able to dig up. If I find more, I’ll update this post. But the current tally is 6 right breasts exposed, 3 left breasts exposed. (Or, if you're a pessimist, 3 right and 6 left concealed.)

But obviously, in order to be actual swimsuits, some additional cover would have to be added.

One that note, another theme of 2018 seems to be “mesh one-piece swimsuits so scandalous that they need to be worn with bikini bottoms underneath.”

See? Swimsuitologist is really just a fashion blog at heart.

• • •

You know what? Over a year later, I'm going to take the suggestion left in the comments by an anonymous tipster and include Kim Alexis here. Even though her back is to us, I think we can speculate that she's revealing her left and concealing her right. This is the suit referred to in the magazine, mysteriously, as "one-piece topless," and maybe that's what they meant.

Welcome, Kim!

T & A (Tits & Activism)

This is definitely Sam Hoopes’s best year. The whole 80s vibe seems to suit her. There are a few photos that could be flashbacks to the pages of the mid-80s.

But she also has this photo, which I think encapsulates a lot of the weirdness about the swimsuit issue tackling deeper issues than swimsuits.

Her t-shirt has what is meant to be a brash, feminist message. It addresses a puritanical attitude toward women’s bodies, something that manifests itself in everything from double standards in beachwear to dress codes for female students to public breastfeeding controversies.

But here? In the swimsuit issue?

The answer is “no.” Sam, your nipples do not offend me.

In 2014, after a long and airbrushed hiatus, nipples came poking into view again like buds reemerging after a long winter. We celebrate wet, sheer tops in these pages.

As far as wet t-shirt activism goes, Nina Agdal sported this number last year.

Nina’s message finds a much surer purchase on the breasts of a swimsuit model. It addresses the flak that a lot of models and actresses get when they speak up, this screwed-up morality that dictates that you can’t complain about sexual harassment because you did a sex scene in a movie once.

This segment from Aly Raisman’s Twitter account scratches the surface.

• • •

I think the nudes are pretty beautiful. There are a couple women whom I’d rather see in bikinis, personally. (Most of the “In Her Own Words” girls didn't do swimsuits.) Olivia Culpo is one such rookie I’d like to see in a more traditional shoot.

• • •

Still swimming my way through the photos. (Barbara Palvin, wow.)

Broad Strokes

Last year I mentioned that the swimsuit issue had several shots of models’ bodies. No heads, just torsos. I was simultaneously thrilled and hesitant about it.

I assumed we’d see a bunch more shots like that this year. But as far as I can see, there are only two. And they are both painted bodies of model search girls.

Behold: Anne De Paula and Lisa-Marie Jaftha. In painted one-piecers for One-Piece Wednesday.

They happen to be my two favorites of this year’s search. Specifically, Lisa-Marie is freaking magnificent. She reminds me of Lais in the ideal swimsuitness of her body.

Oh, for the record: beautiful face as well.

And everything else.

Plus, “Lisa” and “Lais” are anagrams, so let’s get both girls on board for 2018. However, I don’t know where to go to vote for her, or even if the vote is still going on. And that fact makes me realize I’ve felt kind of bland toward this year’s issue.

I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s everything else going on in the world. Maybe the Christie Brinkley news gave me some early idea that the issue would be gimmicky. Maybe it’s the loss of some of my favorite 2016 girls and the return of some who I might not miss as much. Maybe I’m just getting old.

But the fact is, the issue is filled with beautiful photos. Samantha Hoopes is a model I have never been real excited about (she’s got a 1980s hair metal music video vibe to her), but she has some very pretty, understated shots.

After my initial fit of downloading, I’ve been able to linger over the shots in a more leisurely fashion, and there’s a lot of greatness here. Not least of which is a stellar year from Hailey Clauson, so let’s give her a bonus One-Piece Wednesday for this amazingness.

Hot blonde. High-cut red one-piece swimsuit. You cannot top that.

And speaking of tops…

Hailey also submits her second entry into the “top-but-no-bottom” club.

And Kate Upton submits her first.

As does Sam Hoopes.

Keep it coming, girls.