Twenty-Twenty, Won

Tanaye White and Kathy Jacobs are the newly minted rookies for 2021, meaning I didn’t get my wish.

However, Tanaye was one of the girls I was rooting for in last year’s model search, so let’s consider it a delayed victory.

In fact, here’s a fun photo. Two future model search winners, Class of 2020 and Class of 2021, in their black-bikini’d glory.

Tanaye seems to have slimmed down and muscled up a bit since her 2019 model search photos, which is a bit of a shame. But that magnificent sphere of hair is new too, and I very much enjoy that.

Kathy is good looking. Pretty amazing body, regardless of her age.

This is a tired complaint I keep making, but we’ve discarded so many wonderful models after one year, or two years, or even zero years if they’re not selected from their model searches. Chase Carter, for example, grabbed me immediately, so that years later I’m still pining after what might have been. 

None of this year’s candidates grabbed me like that.

The thing is, I don’t think they’re supposed to anymore. There’s clearly been a shift in what the swimsuit issue is trying to be.

Five years ago, in a post that touched on (then-)potential rookies Robin Lawley, Ashley Graham, and Marquita Pring, I wrote “I don’t think SI necessarily has a responsibility to change standards of beauty (they’re more in the business of harnessing those standards for profit).”

But now they seem to have taken up the cause of changing those standards of beauty. Trying to nudge the Overton window a bit.

As Tyra Banks said in this Fashionista article:
“Of course, it's male gaze. Duh. … But, it's not just that and so what I love about what's happening now is the woman looking at the swimsuit issue can see all of these different myriads of beauty that can possibly reflect her. … And the man can look at it and see not just what he was trained to like [by society], but go, 'why am I tingling when I'm looking at this photo of Hunter [McGrady] or Tara Lynn?' It's digging deep into what he truly is attracted to, but hasn't been trained to like."

And part of me, let’s call it my superego, thinks that’s good. I’m in favor of inclusivity, I’m in favor of opening up the standards of beauty so people don’t feel ostracized or inferior.

But there’s another part of me, let’s call it my id, that says “Why can’t the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue be the realm of impossibly beautiful women? That’s what the swimsuit issue is for. We all know it’s for fantasy purposes only. Fill it with Sara Sampaios and Chase Carters and Rose Bertrams and Raven Lyns and all the other girls we didn’t get enough of.”

I want my little island of unrealistic hotness.

MJ Day said in this Bustle interview:
"Kate [Upton], when she was on her first cover [in 2012] — people straight up called her fat. With this issue, people are coming after SI saying, 'Oh you're all about body diversity, but why is Kate Upton on the cover again?'" Day says. "I love that, because you know what that means? It means we have come so far in just five years."

This is a little different from my memory of Kate Upton’s arrival on the scene. I do remember people from the fashion world voicing the opinion that Kate wasn’t thin enough for their shows. But the red-blooded American hetero men of the world, the magazine’s ostensible audience? They immediately hailed her as their new bikini queen. I mean, it was unanimous. Everybody loved Kate.

Her Highness.

I’m not sure Kate Upton was really a swimsuit issue trailblazer. Robyn Lawley, introduced in 2015, was a significant step, though I felt that she had a very Ashley Richardson body. 

 

Ashley Graham, 2016 — she was an iconoclast.

Anyway, I’m torn. I don’t want to be one of those “OH NO THE SJWS ARE TRYING TO MAKE BONERS ILLEGAL” idiots. But I do kind of miss the yearly injection of plain-old message-free hotness.

The “good clean dirty fun” of the swimsuit issue was what inspired this blog in the first place. There was something retro about it, not just as a throwback to earlier years of the swimsuit issue, but as a throwback to pinups in general, on teens’ bedroom walls and WWII fighter planes. Maybe I liked that it was something we as a society were “getting away with” to some extent, kind of a naughty alcove of old-fashioned cheesecake, with its smiles and sand and cleavage peeks.

Decadence

So it’s June 1, 2020. Obviously, there’s a lot going on today. But.

Ten years ago today, I put fingers to keyboard and started broadcasting my weird little thoughts and observations about the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

A surprising amount of stuff has happened to the issue since then.

The 50th Anniversary. The return of nipples. Recreations of historic shoots.

The foray into social issues. The widening of beauty standards for size, age, and amount of exposed skin. The shift to a kind of half-girlie-magazine, half-women’s-magazine.

The returns of many glorious veterans. The first second-generation model. The unveiling of a superstar.

SI Swim’s increase in social media, from boobcam tweets to an entire SI-hosted blog. A VR app. Live conventions.

A leaked cover. Three triple-covers. The pushing back of the release date from February to May to July.

Through it all, I’ve discovered I’m not the only historian with a deep affinity for this quaint, outdated slice of American cheesecake. There are maybe five or six of us.

I’ve enjoyed having a place to share my love for this magazine, and to share my frustrations as well.

At one point, my plan was to review the 2020 issue, whether it came out in February or May, then maybe shut the blog down (again) on June 1. But the schedule didn’t cooperate with that plan. I definitely want to see what 2020 is going to be like.

After that, who knows? The first time I ended this blog, after five years, was five years ago. And I just can’t seem to quit the swimsuit issue.

Well, This Is Genuinely Fascinating

Halima Aden, a hijab-wearing Muslim model, will be in this year’s issue, sporting a burkini.

There is a LOT going on here, issues of race and culture and religion and feminism and sexuality intersecting in a move that’s bold and maybe a little bewildering.

She’s adorable (her interviews are filled with very infectious smiles and screams). But I admit, I’m still getting my head around this…

Like, it’s no secret that the swimsuit issue is eye candy. But is it improper to let my eyes wander up and down Halima’s (almost entirely covered) body?

My very limited understanding of the hijab and the burkini is that they’re based on religion-inspired modesty. This seems to be at odds with the very idea of the swimsuit issue, where even the feminist activism involves naked ladies.

(Fun little irony: Just as you’re thinking about how skittish Islamic culture is about the female body, this Good Morning America story censors the cleavage on old swimsuit covers.)

But if this is a further celebration of diversity, I’m all about it. I like declarations that religion and feminism and liberalism are compatible with fun and sexiness. And I’m positive I will still have my Barbara Palvin bikini pics on the very next page.

Welcome, Halima!

Models Named in Suit

Seven years ago, SI made (nearly) all of the models wear gold necklaces bearing their names.

In 2016, they got out the label maker again, this time in the form of black one-piece swimsuits and only for the rookies.

They took a break from that in 2017, but this year they’re back: rookies with their names emblazoned proudly across their silver, black, or pink one-piecers.

I think it’s pretty sexy that they have their names on their suits. It’s like they’ve all been categorized and displayed for my inspection.

Happy One-Piece Wednesday.

That’s the Way the Rookie Crumbles 2017

Five babes enter. Three babes leave.

Biggest disappointment: We lost Sofia Resing, my favorite rookie from last year. I would have happily devoured more of this.

Wear that name proud, sweetheart.

We also lost Tanya Mityushina. For no reason I can explain, she didn’t leave much of an impression on me, though she’s beautiful.

She MAY have ripped off Kate Upton’s nun bikini for this last shot…

My favorite return is clearly Barbara Palvin, who gave us this INSTANT CLASSIC one-piece shot.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Babs seems much more comfortable this year than last. Definitely some of the best shots in the issue. Including lots of butt shots.

 
In fact, the whole issue seems to be rather butt-centric, which I am very happy about.

Hannah Ferguson, you destroy me.

I may crunch the numbers and see if there truly is a higher percentage of butt pics than in previous years. Though that would demand an arduous, thankless journey through hundreds of photos of beautiful, swimsuit-clad women. I wonder if I’m up for it.

Rookies crumbling 2016, 2015, 2013, 2012, 2011

Bock for More

Okay, so I’m popping out of retirement to point out something I find amazing about the 2016 swimsuit issue.

Kate Bock appears in this bikini:

 

…which is the same suit that I pointed out had been worn by both Julie Henderson and Esti Ginzburg back in 2010, six years ago:

 

That means we have a “Same Suit, Different Babe” scenario that spans three models and more than half a decade.

I don’t know if someone just lost track of the suits or what. I would have thought they’d try to focus on fairly new designs, but somehow this bikini stuck around.

So while I’m here, I thought I’d give a “State of the Swimsuit Issue” address: The state of the swimsuit issue is strong. I thought 2014 was a step forward, but 2015 slid backwards a little bit. But 2016 seems to have minimal Photoshopping, plus tons of giant, crisp, super-saturated photos. I love this issue.

• • •

Since we’re on the subject of Kate Bock: Wow. 2013 Rookie of the Year Kate Bock. Porcelain-and-spun-sugar Kate Bock. Pretty, blue-eyed, blonde, straightforward Kate Bock. This year, she found some sultriness that I don’t normally associate with her.

This suit is a little weird, but great:

Unfortunately, it only appears in her online videos.

There’s not a single picture of her wearing it in her 39 online photos, which is a crime.

And—AND—she adds her name to the list of girls who’ve gone bottomless.

So does Chanel Iman:

And, I think, maybe, covergirl Hailey Clauson:

And Rose Bertram is definitely nude below sea level in this video:

• • •

Another thing to address is Ashley Graham. You don’t need a reminder, but she’s the plus-size rookie who got one of the three covers. She goes beyond last year’s rookie Robyn Lawley: Ashley is a full-on curvapalooza.

And this being the internet, plenty of people have raised a fuss about it. Some of them got real cruel and awful in their online comments. They are all assholes.

Ashley may not be your cup of tea. Heck, she may not be mine. But even my least favorite SI model far outranks my most favorite internet asshole, so I’ll say this: Ashley Graham is beautiful. And she’s taking a lot of abuse for her appearance, during this event in her life that should be joyful for her—I’m sure she sees the lousy things that idiots are saying about her. But she’s a pioneer, and I support her 100%.

And frankly, if you can’t see the sex appeal in photos like this:

…then your balls have not yet dropped.

More thoughts later.