Thumb-erica the Beautiful

Three cheers for the Red…

…White…

…and Blue.

Blanket Statements

I’ve agonized in the past about whether the swimsuit issue has gotten too overtly sexual.

Mainly, the thoughts have centered around nudity and body parts. But I just realized something more subtle: bikini models in bed.

It’s a whole subgenre. Rebecca Romijn might have been the first specimen, back in 1999.

Fast forward to 2006, and we have Molly, Yesica, and Noemie lounging around in their hotel beds giving you their best “come hithers.”

The girls find themselves in deserts and museums, Russian palaces and college football fields, all sorts of places where swimsuits don’t really have a practical purpose.

But beds … I mean, this is about sex, right? You’re being invited to imagine that you and the model are vacationing together and getting ready to head out to the pool or the beach but suddenly have a mood sweep over you so maybe the pool can wait.

These are hotel rooms, so they could conceivably be anywhere in the world. Quick: Which exotic locales are Jessica, Melissa, and Esti in?

Hint: It doesn’t matter. They might as well be in a nice Best Western in Des Moines.

I’m not complaining. In fact, it’s kind of awesome.

Sweet dreams.

Horse Appreciation Week: Tuesday

Sometimes you just have to stretch out and lie down on a horse.

Sometimes topless.

Has the Swimsuit Issue Gotten Too Explicit? (4)

When I did a recent post about the acknowledgement (or lack thereof) of the models’ nether-regions, I realized I forgot to include this Kate Upton shot.

Just like the Julie Henderson “One time, at band camp…” pic, this was put up on the official SI Swimsuit Issue Facebook page, with the predictable crude responses by internet dimwits.

On the other hand, there’s a subgenre of shots that feature that area of the model’s body in a way that gives it a bit of a divine look.

Light from the sun flares through the “gap,” creating a bit of a halo.

Definitely not an accident.

Sinful yet holy, hidden yet accentuated, scorned yet praised. I’m sure there’s some deep feminist social criticism to be constructed here, but my job is mainly to observe and enjoy.

Goat Sheep or Go Home

Swim Daily recently posted a slide show of models with animals. I've been planning something along those lines, but they beat me to a lot of the shots I was thinking of including.

But they didn't cover these somewhat bizarre shots of the models with goats:

...and sheep:

Ruminants have never been sexier.

• • •

2014 UPDATE: Welcome to the club, Ariel...

...and Emily.

Fetching Models

Yesterday, Swim Daily posted a video of the models discussing their dogs.

In honor of that, let's take a look at the lucky pups who have made their way into the pages of the swimsuit issue.

• • •

2014 UPDATE: Welcome to the club, Emily.

Has the Swimsuit Issue Gotten Too Explicit?

Swim Daily recently called out a series of “natural wonders,” 2013 shots of the models without their suits.

The phenomenon is not entirely new. A few naked shots have sprouted up from time to time. Sometimes the discarded suit is nearby…

…sometimes there’s no sign of it in the shot at all…

…and sometimes the suit is replaced by found objects.

I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, it provides a nice little double-take. It’s fun to see these models dip their toes into something a little more risqué.

On the other hand, the suit is a valuable part of the equation.

And here we stumble upon my cognitive dissonance with regards to the swimsuit issue.

The magazine occupies a separate space in my mind from other girlie magazines. It’s not as explicit as Playboy, which seems to be specifically about those areas that a bikini covers up. It’s not as trashy as Maxim and other lad-rags, which seem a little lower-brow in hair/makeup/wardrobe/photography (and, often, the models). And it’s definitely not as, well, biological as full-on porn.

I guess I see it as a more innocent venture, kind of a knowing cheesecake that—yes—deals with sex. But in a fun, lighthearted, squeaky-clean way.

I don’t think I’m alone in this.

Look at the media attention that surrounds the issue. The models read the Top Ten list on Letterman. They appear on morning talk shows and get interviewed by chipper hosts of both sexes. They ring the NYSE closing bell.

“The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” with its sunny, goofy, daytime charm and its audience of women 25-54, has Kate Upton on as a guest to talk about penguins and the perils of Antarctic bikini posing.

Most girlie mags are consumed furtively. SI seems to inspire a bit of a grin. Sure, Playboy puts out hardcover collections of its photography. But you get the feeling that Sports Illustrated swimsuit books might actually see the top of a coffee table from time to time.

I will stop here and say that there are several people who would claim that the swimsuit issue is an awful, exploitative, damaging piece of pornography, just as horrifying as any hardcore dirty video. (Maybe all the more horrifying for how easily it goes down as part of mainstream culture.)

Anyway, on one hand I think I’m being melodramatic by referring to the photos as “explicit.” They’re pretty coy, as far as nudity goes. On the other hand, maybe I’m just uncomfortable with the tacit acknowledgement that my sweet, cute, innocent cheesecake is at heart just a collection of dirty pictures.

But still. It’s the swimsuit issue—shouldn’t there always be a swimsuit?