Blanket Statements

I’ve agonized in the past about whether the swimsuit issue has gotten too overtly sexual.

Mainly, the thoughts have centered around nudity and body parts. But I just realized something more subtle: bikini models in bed.

It’s a whole subgenre. Rebecca Romijn might have been the first specimen, back in 1999.

Fast forward to 2006, and we have Molly, Yesica, and Noemie lounging around in their hotel beds giving you their best “come hithers.”

The girls find themselves in deserts and museums, Russian palaces and college football fields, all sorts of places where swimsuits don’t really have a practical purpose.

But beds … I mean, this is about sex, right? You’re being invited to imagine that you and the model are vacationing together and getting ready to head out to the pool or the beach but suddenly have a mood sweep over you so maybe the pool can wait.

These are hotel rooms, so they could conceivably be anywhere in the world. Quick: Which exotic locales are Jessica, Melissa, and Esti in?

Hint: It doesn’t matter. They might as well be in a nice Best Western in Des Moines.

I’m not complaining. In fact, it’s kind of awesome.

Sweet dreams.

Tipping the Scales

Today’s “Animals and Swimsuits” entry is brought to you by reptiles.

• • •  

UPDATE, 10/18/19

Kate Bock, brandishing an iguana in 2017.

Grape Expectations

Apparently, it's National Drink Wine Day. I detect notes of gratuitous bikinis.

Happy Birthday, Julie Ordon

30 today.

My Humps, My Humps

I haven’t done an animal entry in a while.

(Quick refresher: dogs, sheep/goats, parrots.)

The girls find themselves in a lot of deserts, so it makes sense that they’d interact with a camel here and there.

I Spy

Am I the only one who sees a little irony in the fact that this story about Irina Shayk’s stalker seems to have been broken by someone listening in on her private phone conversation?

“The frightened beauty was overheard ranting about the situation while on the phone with a pal at Bed Bath & Beyond in Chelsea later on Sunday.”

To lighten the mood, take a look at Irina and fellow Russian Anne V performing as the Kessler Twins in this video by Ellen von Unwerth.

The Original Kesslers

The Duplicates

Ms. von Unwerth is also responsible for a rather kinky photo essay called “Revenge,” starring SI’s very own Julie Ordon.

Julie, of course, is no stranger to a little kinkiness.

Thanks girls!

One-Hit Wonder: Julie Ordon, 2010

I would have readily welcomed back this intense Swiss model… even though New York magazine’s online fashion bio skips right over her SI appearance. (2009: Signs with Elite. Mar 2010: Featured on the cover of French Marie Claire.)Her feral mane can look blonde:…or brunette:…or red:…depending on the angle and the light. And man, does she rock those jewel tones SI brought to India.Apparently, she gave birth in August of 2009, which means she must have been pregnant during her photo shoot for the 2010 issue.I don’t see it. And I’m really looking.
And, she posed for French Playboy back in 2007, giving us this rather kinky photo: