Two-Pièce de Résistance: Stephanie Seymour, 1989

Thongs are pretty amazing.

Photo: Marc Hispard

G-strings, too. They are basically an admission that we, as a society, have decided that naked butts are a-okay.

This over-the-counter girlie magazine, with the word “swimsuit” in the title, finds innovative ways to tease at — but conceal — the other forbidden areas of the body. Angles of poses, backlighting, fabric (even if it’s occasionally translucent).

But what, really, is the difference between an ass in a thong and an ass out of a thong?

One thing I’ll say about Stephanie: She has a lot of great shots. Possibly the highest batting average of any model who never got a cover. She’s just incredible. I finally chose to feature this lovely photograph.

This bikini was not in the 1989 25th Anniversary issue of the magazine. We had to wait until the 1990 desk calendar — the first one SI ever put out — to find this photo waiting for us during the week of August 26. (As it happens, Stephanie was on the cover of that desk calendar.)

And thank goodness for those calendars. In the days before each model got dozens of online photos, there were pics like this that would have disappeared if not for the 52-week bonus collection SI put out later each year.


Stephanie’s front is gently sun-kissed in this shot. But her back — where we are — is in shadow. She turns and looks at us over her shoulder, but this isn’t quite a Grable pose because she’s not smiling. She’s also not glowering. It’s a nearly expressionless glance that we’re allowed to put our own meaning to.

For me, it’s that that “permission” dynamic I find so joyful — “I know you’re looking, and I don’t blame you. Knock yourself out. I’ll just go back to gazing out at the ocean now.”


I read an article once in some men’s magazine, probably at the end of 1999. The topic was something like “The 50 Greatest Inventions of the Twentieth Century.” One of them was panties.

An observation from that article was that a woman wearing only panties is somehow more naked than she is when she’s actually naked.

The thong, I think, has that effect. It covers nothing, but its presence enhances nevertheless. It’s a frame, it’s an arrow, it’s the optical illusion of two profiles forming a vase. Its presence emphasizes its absence.

And that’s the difference between an ass in a thong and an ass out of a thong.

Topless Tuesday: Stephanie Seymour, 1991

Stephanie has already been featured on this blog as a wall-mounted bust, so she’s established herself as an artist’s muse.

I recently happened across the website of an artist by the name of Paco Leal, who is occasionally inspired by our SI girls. He chose this worthy shot of Stephanie:

… to create this piece, which, sadly, has already been sold.

Fortunately, if you have $6,000 lying around, you can still pick up this painting of the greatest photograph ever taken.

Anyway, he’s described as working in oil on canvas, but these are a little too perfect as reproductions, so I suspect there’s some tracing and/or computering involved in his methods.


Here’s another photorealistic reproduction of a Stephanie pic (possibly the most glorious photo ever taken of her) by a pinup artist named Gennadiy Koufay.

It’s pretty insane that such an exquisite woman never got an SI cover.

Underboob Monday: Anne de Paula, 2019

I've mentioned that Anne had a good 2019.

Her best shots might be these odes to nethercleavage.

I do enjoy a suspendered bikini bottom with a damp t-shirt. Echoes of Stephanie Seymour.

Pestova, Passed Over

Stumbled upon the website of Michael Reinhardt, a photographer who shot for the 1995 swimsuit issue. He features a couple of shots of Daniela Pestova that are alternate poses for photos from that year.

I’m a big fan of heretofore unknown photos of swimsuits I’m familiar with.

He also has a few non-swimsuit magazine shots of some of our favorite girls. He lumps all of these under the category “vintage,” which is another great reminder that I’m old.

Topless Tuesday: Chrissy, Lily, Nina, 2014

Chrissy had a bit of an umbrella mishap last night.

So she's this week's Topless Tuesday model, along with a couple friends to make her feel better.

Hope you feel better, Chrissy.

Calendar Girls, Revisited: 1990

The very first week of the very first Swimsuit Desk Calendar. Stephanie Seymour, clinging to a rock while wearing that beautiful yellow one-piece thong. I remember it well, which makes it kind of astonishing that Stephanie presided over the birth of Michelle Vawer, a model whose one year in the swimsuit issue was already seven years ago.

But there’s Michelle’s birthday. Wednesday, January 3.


A few weeks later, Elle Macpherson was displayed on desks everywhere as future Rookie of the Year Kelly Rohrbach entered the world on Sunday the 21st.

Rachel Hunter offers Hannah Davis a pinch to grow an inch on Hannah’s birthday, May 5.

The next day, May 6, Ashley Richardson guided Jasmyn Wilkins into the world. You saw a lot more one-piecers in the issues and calendars of the late 80s/early 90s.

SI swimsuit legend Christie Brinkley welcomes SI swimsuit legend Lais Ribeiro on October 5.

And finally, two different girls — Ashley Smith and Chanel Iman — arrived (ironically) during a week with an unattached twin. They were born November 26 and December 1, respectively. According to the caption, that week's model was Yvonne Sylvander, but if it was actually Yvette who would know?

Get Thee to a Bunnery

So I recently covered Bianca Balti’s nipples when I noticed that nothing else was.

She actually did Playboy a couple of years ago, in July/August of 2014.

She went and bared it all. And she looked great doing it.

It sent me down a rabbit hole. A lot of my favorite 80s/90s models have disrobed for Playboy. I have a handful of these issues, buried in a closet somewhere.

Shall we explore their history?

To be honest, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to show nipples on this blog or not, but if it helps I hereby declare all these images Artistically Important. You wouldn’t make me censor Botticelli’s Venus, would you?

The original Angie Everhart.

One fun game to play: Read all the little headlines on the each cover. It’s a fun cross-section of what was on the National Mind each of these years.

Going all the way back to November of 1984, we have Christie Brinkley. Who could have guessed at the time she’d still be flaunting what she’s got 33 years later?

As it happens, she does NOT reveal much skin in this magazine. She’s modeling men’s clothing, in fact, so she’s considerably less naked than she gets in Sports Illustrated.

But she must be counted.

• • •

Next up is Cindy Crawford. She did two shoots, ten years apart. First in July, 1988:

Herb Ritts, one of our finest photographers of beautiful women (you’ll hear his name again and again in this post), captures some breathtaking and moody black-and-white photos of Cindy at her peak.

In October, 1998, Both Cindy and Ritts returned.

This time the photos are just as moody, but there are a few more splashes of color.

• • •

Stephanie Seymour also had two appearances, two years apart, with two parallel cover headlines:
SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT MODEL
STEPHANIE SEYMOUR
TAKES OFF HER SWIMSUIT
and
VICTORIA’S SECRET SUPERMODEL
STEPHANIE SEYMOUR
TAKES HER UNDIES OFF

Her 1991 shoot is brought to us by, once again, Herb Ritts.

And it’s gorgeous.

Her 1993 shoot:

…went a little further in what it revealed.

I thought I’d take a cue from SI’s logo placement…

• • •

Hey, guess who photographed Elle Macpherson for the May 1994 issue?

Yes, Herb Ritts. Some guys have all the luck.

I got my hands on a copy of this a few years after it was published. I remember being disappointed. Look at how angular her poses are! Look at how severe and slicked-back her hair is! Where are the feminine curves and voluptuous brown locks I love so much?

I’ve since come to admire the photos. They’re not supposed to be your standard (swimsuit) issue cheesecake. I now think they’re quite beautiful on their own terms.

• • •

Naomi Campbell in December of 1999…

…is the trippiest and most bizarre of the selections. Which makes sense when you realize the photographer is David LaChapelle, whose style is super colorful and arresting.

At first, you think, “Is the theme ‘food’? There’s a lot of food in these photos…”

But then you turn around and she’s being mounted by a leopard.

And then this pic, which MAYBE has a hint of bondage going on?

Nah, that’s just my filthy mind. Naomi would never deliberately suggest—

Well. Different magazine.

• • •

In February, 2000, Angie Everhart broke a promise to her grandmother when she posed nude.

I actually remember reading about that promise and being surprised when I heard she was going for it after all.

She was photographed by Macro Glaviano, who’s no slouch when it comes to capturing women. I have his book Sirens, which is full of joy.

If you thought I was joking with my Botticelli reference above, check out how impossibly long her hair is in these.

By the way, here’s a little article/video about Angie’s shoot. She mentions that she deliberately hid her pubic hair, even though, in her words, “they wanted to see if the drapes matched the curtains.” That’s not QUITE the expression she’s looking for, but we all know what she means.

“I think men are always gonna want to see women in bathing suits. And I think they should!”
— Angie

“I agree 100%.”
— Swimsuitologist

And you DO glimpse a tiny tuft of her carpet in one or two of the photos.

• • •

Rachel Hunter: April, 2004.

If Naomi above implied a bit of bondage, Rachel just went all out. My eyes almost fell out of my head when I first saw these.

There are a couple shots that DON’T go there, but for some reason I have a hard time concentrating on them.

• • •

Later in 2004, in August to be exact, we received Eva Herzigova

Out of all the photos in this lineup, hers seem to be the most straightforward. Beautiful woman. Standing before you. Naked and lovely.

There’s a certain pose that seems to come up time and time again. I call it the “supine coffee table.” Here we see it demonstrated by Eva, Angie, and Cindy.

So there you have it. I’m on the record as preferring swimsuit-clad girls to naked girls, but I’m certainly not going to scold them for removing their swimsuits.

I have a few more bikini-less bikini models up my sleeve. They’re more recent. I think I’ll post them pretty soon.

(By the way, here's where those cover-bunnies are hidden, in order of appearance: lace backdrop beyond right breast, medal, shadow on neck, sarong near upper-right inner thigh, shadow behind hair, tassels on left thigh, hair swirls on left shoulder, inner lining of cape, hair strands above left collarbone, fringe on left breast, pendant.)