Blanket Statements

I’ve agonized in the past about whether the swimsuit issue has gotten too overtly sexual.

Mainly, the thoughts have centered around nudity and body parts. But I just realized something more subtle: bikini models in bed.

It’s a whole subgenre. Rebecca Romijn might have been the first specimen, back in 1999.

Fast forward to 2006, and we have Molly, Yesica, and Noemie lounging around in their hotel beds giving you their best “come hithers.”

The girls find themselves in deserts and museums, Russian palaces and college football fields, all sorts of places where swimsuits don’t really have a practical purpose.

But beds … I mean, this is about sex, right? You’re being invited to imagine that you and the model are vacationing together and getting ready to head out to the pool or the beach but suddenly have a mood sweep over you so maybe the pool can wait.

These are hotel rooms, so they could conceivably be anywhere in the world. Quick: Which exotic locales are Jessica, Melissa, and Esti in?

Hint: It doesn’t matter. They might as well be in a nice Best Western in Des Moines.

I’m not complaining. In fact, it’s kind of awesome.

Sweet dreams.

One-Piece Wednesday: The 2010 Rookies

Sonia Dara
Zoe Duchesne
Genevieve Morton
Julie Ordon
Dominique Piek
Chrissy Teigen

One-Hit Wonder: Zoe Duchesne, 2010

I have to say, I’m not surprised Zoe didn’t return. She didn’t seem like a great fit.Her face wavers from smartass biker chick to impassive mannequin.When she does smile, I don’t really buy it.This is her best shot from the issue, in my opinion:…and that’s because she summons Daniella Sarahyba.

She seems like she’d be a better fit for a pouty lingerie photo shoot, and sure enough, that’s what she seems to do for the most part.Much as was the case with Jessica Hart, I find her non-SI pictures more alluring.

That’s the Way the Rookie Crumbles

Out of six swimsuit issue rookies in 2010, only two stuck around for 2011. Genevieve Morton and Chrissy Teigen returned this year, albeit a bit more glammed up in each case.

Genevieve Morton Good for her! She’s a South African kewpie doll whose best pics last year were in this shiny silver bikini:…even though she cause a bit of controversy by standing near a couple swastikas in one of the shots:SI ran a series of short videos in which the models declared what they felt were their best body parts. The answers ranged from freckles (Anne V) to feet (Hilary Rhoda) to collarbones (Sonia Dara) to eyes (Cintia Dicker, Jessica White, Jessica Gomes, Esti Ginzburg).

Genevieve? “I like my boobs the best.”
Very well. I’ll allow it.
Her pics this year are a little more sultry.But she retains that “voluptuous cherub” look.


Chrissy Teigen No surprise here. She seems to have become instant SI royalty, having found her way into the magazine thanks in part to her pal Brooklyn Decker.
She’s getting ready to say something hilarious.
Her Twitter feed is the best of all the models’; she’s genuinely funny in a snide, bitter way. Her Golden Globes commentary from earlier this year:…was almost as awesome as her golden globes:
(Cheap joke.)

Speaking of, when asked to name her best body part, Chrissy replied, “I like my little boobs.” Genevieve and Chrissy are the only two from 2010 to mention those particular body parts. The lesson for future rookies: talk about your boobs, and you’ll be invited back.

By the way, Chrissy in 2011 has given us yet another example of a model wearing a top but not a bottom, bringing the total to four.