Topless Tuesday: Jessica White, 2008

Topless Tuesday: Irina Shayk, 2015

Topless Tuesday: Mallory Snyder, 2006

Turning to the past this Tuesday.

Mallory was a sleek and pillow-lipped beauty, a two-year girl who hasn't been on this blog as often as she should have been.

This year's swimsuit issue isn't the complete trainwreck a lot of folks say it is. But it's still a bit of a letdown.

I honestly think part of the problem is the flaccid unveiling of it. There wasn't a sense of excitement leading up to it. I'm not sure if that's some sort of underbudgeting or understaffing problem or what. But it arrived with a whimper, all things told.

I'm also bummed that we lost the three models I considered to be tentpoles. Obviously, Barbara and Hailey and Lais had to stop appearing eventually. But all three of them at once? That sucks.

Not to mention the weirdness of the magazine being an uneasy straddle between the sexiness of a girlie magazine and the self-esteem-and-fashion extravaganza of a women's magazine. I don't think it's hitting either target very well. I don't know much about modeling or photography, but a lot of the photos seem uninspired somehow, even of the models I'm excited about.

Also, July? Come on.

There are some nice photos, but 2020 was less like Christmas for me than any previous year.

So here's more topless Mallory.

Topless Tuesday: Myla Dalbesio, 2020

Myla looks good this year.

Flannel shirt + cute little purple triangle is a fashion statement I didn't know I needed.

She's pretty glammed up this year in some of her photos, making for a pretty stark contrast with her rustic Wyoming surroundings.

Well, the Pics Are Up ...

... but you wouldn't know from any SI swimsuit social media outlet. As of now, their Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram are all silent on the fact that, sometime in the wee hours this morning, the photos for the 2020 swimsuit issue went live.

I'm kind of amazed how much of an afterthought this feels like.

Lorena looks great.

Zooming through a few galleries for Topless Tuesday candidates, I noticed an amazing scarcity of topless photos. Normally there are tons, but in quick flips through Haley, Emily, Kim, Hyunjoo, and Josephine, I could count the topless photos on one hand. Maybe it's part of a pivot away from cheesecake.

Topless Tuesday: Kate Bock, 2020

This is a very pretty shot of Kate. The languid facial expression, the calm water lapping smoothly at her legs, the enticing way the bikini strap crests her hip.

It’s very relaxed. You can almost feel the warmth of her upper arm brushing against her breast.

Bonus Topless Tuesday: Carolyn Murphy, Frankie Rayder, 2005

Happened across this photo, and I'm sharing it here because it adds Frankie Rayder to the Ashley Richardson Extended Universe.

Frankie posed with Carolyn on the table of contents page in 2005.

Carolyn posed with Rachel on the cover in 2006.

Rachel posed with Ashley in this neon kaleidoscope from 1990.

I bet there are even more models I'll rediscover eventually.

Topless Tuesday: Paulina Porizkova, 1985

Seems like a good day for some Paulina in her absolute freaking prime.

Topless Tuesday: Stephanie Seymour, 1991

Stephanie has already been featured on this blog as a wall-mounted bust, so she’s established herself as an artist’s muse.

I recently happened across the website of an artist by the name of Paco Leal, who is occasionally inspired by our SI girls. He chose this worthy shot of Stephanie:

… to create this piece, which, sadly, has already been sold.

Fortunately, if you have $6,000 lying around, you can still pick up this painting of the greatest photograph ever taken.

Anyway, he’s described as working in oil on canvas, but these are a little too perfect as reproductions, so I suspect there’s some tracing and/or computering involved in his methods.


Here’s another photorealistic reproduction of a Stephanie pic (possibly the most glorious photo ever taken of her) by a pinup artist named Gennadiy Koufay.

It’s pretty insane that such an exquisite woman never got an SI cover.

Topless Tuesday: Kelsey Merritt, 2019

Mammarial Day Weekend

Continuing SI Swim’s attempt to transition into a women’s fashion destination, they posted this to their Facebook page the other day.

It’s a bait and switch, partly because the photo doesn’t appear as part of the story it links to, and partly because they airbrushed the pic.

That Obsession pic itself is, I believe, from the wall calendar, whereas the pic from the actual magazine is harder to track down and far superior.

Getty was nice enough to keep their watermark out of the way on this one.

Anyway, I checked the calendar, and they’re right. Memorial Day is this weekend. Who knew? So let’s enjoy a Topless Tuesday with a splash of white. Here’s our long lost Kim Cloutier.

Topless Tuesday: Kelly Rohrbach, 2016

Rohrbachtoberfest continues.

She spent a lot of time topless in 2016.

And she dangles her top well.

Topless Tuesday: Fernanda Motta, 2005

Fernanda is absolutely gorgeous and deserves more love.

Topless Tuesday: Izabel Goulart, 2011

One thing that enhances a topless photo for me is when the model is displaying her bikini top.

Not sure why. Is it a "just took it off" mood, or an "interrupted before putting it on" mood, or just a "teasing you by dangling her missing article of clothing" mood?

These are lovely pics of Izabel, even though SI seemed to be in the midst of a heavy retouching phase.

Topless Tuesday: Two Hannahs, 2015

Continuing with the "Summer of Swim" theme, here are Hannah Ferguson and Hannah Davis, in big bottoms and nonexistent tops.

This’ll Put Hair on Your Chest

The kids call it a “hair bra,” and I thought we could enjoy a tonsorial Topless Tuesday.

Topless Tuesday: Jessica White, 2009

Topless Tuesday: Lily Aldridge, 2014

Topless Tuesday: Jessica Gomes, 2008

Hey, remember when Jessica Gomes wore nothing but a bikini bottom and mud for the 2008 issue?

As Swim Daily reported back when they had good content, it was one of her favorite shoots. I’m fond of it too.

One interesting thing I just noticed though… It would have been difficult, maybe impossible, for her to get her own handprints to line up like this.

That’s a right handprint on her left boob, and vice-versa.

So, um… Who got to do the honors, I wonder?