Let’s Just Do It and Bikini Legends

So I recently watched the Netflix Fyre Fest documentary. I highly recommend it, if you haven’t seen it yet, which you probably have. It’s kind of astonishing what a clusterfuck it was from day one.



In any case, the doomed festival introduced itself to the world with some viral videos of top models frolicking on the beach in bikinis, including several SI girls.

Let us dedicate this week’s Topless Tuesday to the girls of the Fyre Festival. What’s the metaphor here… Massive failures start from the top down? Fraud will eventually be exposed? They should have anticipated failure and nipped it in the bud? Whatever. Here are Chanel, Emily, Hannah, Lais, and Rose.

And what the heck. Sharp-eyed viewers will probably catch a photo of Gigi during an early scene about the Fyre talent-booking app. Come join us, Gigi!

She may not have been in that promo video, but she’s adjacent to someone who was.

In Memoriam

Farewell to the seven non-rookies who did not return for 2017.

Erin Heatherton

Only two years from a pretty well established model. I’d have loved to see more of her, though I might have been the only person to enjoy last year’s offerings.

• • •

Kelly Rohrbach

I really liked Kelly. I tend to find pet obsessions (Julie Henderson, Kenza Fourati) that are a little out of the norm, although Kelly did win Rookie of the Year for what that’s worth. (This is the second straight year that a RoTY put in only one post-rookie appearance and vanished. Sara Sampaio did it too.)

• • •

Chanel Iman

Beautiful. I think her first year was her best, but I will miss the dreamy eyes and slender bod. By the way, did you know she was in a Kinect video game where she helps you become a celebrity or something?

• • •

Gigi Hadid

I have this odd feeling that she’s been a part of the swimsuit issue for longer than three years. She somehow has the feel of a staple. I thought she brought a great adorable blondeness to the proceedings, and I’m kind of surprised she’s gone already.

(And I guess we should probably stop holding out for a sisters feature.)

• • •

Lily Aldridge

Lily completely seduced me in her first appearance. She’s breathtakingly beautiful and seems like a sweet person in the interviews I’ve seen. I think she’ll always be one of my SI crushes.

• • •

Emily DiDonato

I’ll miss her. Captivating and eerily beautiful. Aside from having a too-short four-year stint in the swimsuit issue, she also had a weird 2015 that failed to key into her natural allure. I hope to see her around in other places. I’m not ready to give her up yet.

• • •

Irina Shayk

And what else can be said about Irina Shayk? Another Russian who spanned a decade, much like Anne V a couple years ago. She was part of the issue so often I kind of took her for granted. But I think she managed to get even hotter as the years went by. She certainly didn’t lose a step. She’s a hall-of-famer.

• • •

With Irina gone, Chrissy Teigen is the last girl who predates my blog. I made my first post in 2010, a few months after the issue that included Chrissy as a rookie and Irina in what was already her fourth appearance, along with these famous and less-famous names: Anne V, Bar Refaeli, Brooklyn Decker, Cintia Dicker, Damaris Lewis, Daniella Sarahyba, Dominique Piek, Esti Ginzburg, Genevieve Morton, Hilary Rhoda, Jessica Gomes, Jessica White, Julie Henderson, Julie Ordon, Sonia Dara, Zoe Duchesne.

You did it, Chrissy. Whatever pool you girls had going, you can collect it now.

A Breath of Fresh Erin

Let’s talk about Erin Heatherton.

At first glance, her photos are a little… odd? She has real wavy, almost frizzy hair that’s a jolt from the flowing locks she sports elsewhere.

But the more I look at them, the sexier I find them. They’re very warm and disarming. In fact, I’d now rank Erin’s shoot as one of my favorites from this year. I’m getting a late-80s/early-90s Rachel Hunter vibe.

I think that might be the thinking behind her whole look in this issue. The sunny feel, the natural and freckled face, the sky-high cut of this bikini bottom.

Once you get into that mental groove, the photos all fall into place and make sense.

Well, almost all of them. I can’t figure out what to make of this:

I think it was meant as a bold, weird experiment that MIGHT end up being iconic and MIGHT end up looking like a sexy Captain Caveman Halloween costume.

• • •

As long as we’re listing critiques…

Do we really need so many nearly-but-not-quite-identical shots? There seemed to be quite a spate of them this year.

Are we really still doing the “bikini model standing next to a native” thing?

And finally, I know I’m the only person who cares about this, but haven’t we figured out a better placement for SI logos?

(On a happier note, I predicted the luscious Barbara Palvin! Welcome, Babs. I’m splitting my Rookie of the Year voting between her and Sofia.)

But all in all, I’m real happy with this year’s offering.

(And Emily here, with her swimsuit straps wrapped around her wrists, is giving me a little something to fantasize about, right?)

Back into hiding!

Headless Body in Topless Photo

An interesting trend I noticed this year is headless bodies.

(Wait, that sounded morbid.)

Generally in SI pics, even though the focus is clearly on a model’s body, her face is at least in the frame. Or if not her face, at least the back of her head as she gazes off at a distant volcano or something. The exceptions are the “boobcam”/“buttcam” preview shots that the crew sends out all year:

Kate Bock on the boobcam.

Irina Shayk on the buttcam.

…and every once in a blue moon a pic like this one of Heidi Klum.

But several models are featured in 2016 where we couldn’t apprise the eye makeup or hair styling even if we wanted to.

We get the torsos of Hailey Clauson, Hannah Ferguson, and Sofia Resing:

The butts of Chanel Iman, Hannah Ferguson, and Lily Aldridge:

And the, um, Zanzibar of Chrissy Teigen:

I’m torn, because of my usual need to imagine that the swimsuit issue is at least partly about faces and personalities and individuals, not just bodies. On the other hand, these are some great bodies.

• • •

Speaking of Sofia, I think she’s my Rookie of the Year. A gorgeous and vivacious Brazilian. Watch her videos and try not to fall in love with her.

• • •

As for the model search: Can we please keep all six of the entrants?

If not, my preferences are the breathtaking Caroline Kelley and Ebonee Davis.

Caroline gives great hammock.

And I love how Ebonee decided to channel Jarah Mariano:

• • •

Looking from the future to the past, Elle Macpherson got the inaugural Jule Campbell Award. This calls for a massive collection of high-quality, never-before-seen photos of her, right?

I miss when Swim Daily was a regular source of newly unearthed pics and fun writing. Lately it’s just been snake-eating-its-tail links back to the current year’s photos with the occasional tidbit of gossip or upcoming TV appearances. Kelsey Hendrix? Xandria James? Whoever’s on staff over there? I would be happy to wade through all your Elle photos, if you’d just let me in that vault.