Two-Pièce de Résistance: Jessica White, 2009

Jessica deserved a cover.

Photo: Raphael Mazzucco

She put together an eight-year reign, which is impressive. 2009 was her sixth appearance.

This might not be the best photo of her — there are plenty that make a beautiful display of her full, stellar body — but there’s something about this one that makes me stop and stare.

There are several layers of teasing here.

There’s the direct and confident eye contact, almost a dare directed at the viewer.

Then her top is undone, which is a standard go-to teasing move. The thumb-hook, the free-hip, the objects-as-improvised-top — the hint at impending nudity is a button SI presses regularly.

And there’s something sexy about that bite. Mouths are easily sexualized, whether the model is biting a hot dog or a straw or her fingernail. But offhand, I can’t think of another photo in all of SI history where the model is closing her mouth around her own swimsuit.

And I know not everyone is as perverted as I am, but I can’t be the only person whose mind drifts to a gag being gently inserted between her teeth? No? Just me? Moving on.

Jessica was a solid and statuesque beauty with a long and gorgeous tenure. One of the greats of her decade.

Topless Tuesday: Jessica White, 2008

Thumb-Hook Thurfboard Thursday: Michelle Behennah, 2000

The more beaches you shoot on, the greater the chance of your model interacting with a surfboard.

It’s an outdoor summer activity you can do while social distancing, so let’s celebrate it.

Swimulacra

Okay, so the #SwimsuitIconChallenge is super charming.

The recreations are fun and inventive and often pretty hot.

I’m particularly entranced by this bevy of Elles.

The makeshift solutions are pretty creative, too, using aloe leaves for Petra …

… blowdryers for Christie …

… Sony Walkmans for Marisa …

… and fast food signage for Carol.

Carol herself even got into the act, recreating a fellow cover girl shot.

I think there must have been a starter group of pics that participants could choose from, because there are no fewer than three recreations of this Chandra North pic (complete with heels).

I’m quite familiar with this photo, obviously, but it doesn’t seem like one of the iconic SI shots that would be first on anyone’s mind.

• • •

Anyway, one of the pics that was recreated was this one:

…along with a nice story of the woman who created it.

So in celebration of Alli and Jessica, let’s have a pineapple-themed Fruit Friday.

This’ll Put Hair on Your Chest

The kids call it a “hair bra,” and I thought we could enjoy a tonsorial Topless Tuesday.

Hazmat — Will Travel

Naomi Campbell went all out trying to protect herself during a recent flight.

Here she is in a more flattering outfit.

But please heed this PSA brought to you by the ladies of the 2009 swimsuit issue:

Don’t.

Touch.

Your.

Face. 

(Especially on the MTA, Damaris!)

Anyway, the 2020 issue is taking shape, and maybe it will provide a nice respite from the nationwide quarantine in a couple months. Watch this space.