In the Palm of Your Sand

Like all red-blooded American males, I look to the swimsuit issue for one thing: tips on using coconut oil in my day-to-day life. Swim Daily came through with recommended products for hair care, skin care, and, um, lube.

So let us celebrate that most platonic ideal of tropical fruit, the coconut, which obviously makes several appearances in our favorite magazine. In fact, I bet there are lots more examples I’ve missed.

And just for the obligatory “Put the Lime in the Coconut” reference…

Come, Mister Tally Man

Horse Appreciation Week: Tuesday

Sometimes you just have to stretch out and lie down on a horse.

Sometimes topless.

Same Suit, Different Babe-a-Palooza

I wish I knew more about this MTV 2002 swimsuit issue special. I stumbled across these photos from backstage. They’re from the same switcheroo event as this post, where the girls dressed in each others’ swimsuits.

In these shots, they also seem to be recreating some previous covers.

Here you can see Marisa Miller as Judit Masco (1990), Melissa Keller as Tyra Banks (1997), and Annie Morton as Valeria Mazza (1996). (They’re being photographed by Petra Nemcova, no idea if she’s in disguise.)

Chandra North plays Daniela Pestova (1995), Carla Maria plays Tannia Rubiano (1971), Ana Beatriz Barros plays Tyra Banks (1996), Vanessa Lorenzo plays, perhaps, Yamila Diaz (2002).

It’s interesting to see a lot of the same covers that have since gotten additional tributes.

Also, for good measure, Here’s Chandra dressed up as Elsa Benitez.

Looks like quite a party.

In any case, one of the girls being portrayed is Valeria Mazza, who’s 43 today.

Topless Tuesday: Melissa Keller, 2003

50 Greatest Swimsuit Models, #40-31

It should be pointed out that SI probably chose 50 models because of the 50th anniversary of the swimsuit issue, coming up in 2014. They are also going to release a coffee table book called Sports Illustrated Swimsuit: 50 Years of Beautiful. That comes out in October, and here is an exclusive peek at the cover:

At this point you may be thinking, “Bar Refaeli? Kathy Ireland? Brooklyn Decker? They’re this low on your list?” Well, this hastily assembled list reflects who I was more swept up by in that moment. Maybe a year from now Brooklyn will outrank Kim Cloutier in my heart, but at the moment I made this list, Kim gave me more pleasure to contemplate.

Onward!

40: Melissa Keller

39: Kathy Ireland

I've said it before: gorgeous, and unquestionably iconic in SI history. She just never struck me to my core the way she does for others. But a top-50 without her would definitely be incomplete.

38: Hilary Rhoda

37: Ariel Meredith

36: Yamila Diaz

35: Tyra Banks

34: Brooklyn Decker

This might be a bit of blasphemy to have her this low. She's undeniably a sexy blonde, but there are other models I find more interesting.

33: Irina Shayk

32: Tori Praver

31: Bar Refaeli

Keller Instinct

Dreamed last night that I was at a party and Melissa Keller plopped herself in my lap. She was wearing a shiny one-piece, and she didn't mind at all when I allowed my eyes to glide up and down it.

Seems like the Universe must be asking me to post this.

One-Piece Wednesday: Melissa Keller, 2003

Melissa might actually give Daniella Sarahyba a run for her money on the "cuteness" scale.

Swimsuit Approval Ratings: The Standard Two-Piece

The Standard Two-Piece (93% approval rating)‘Guys’ most favored suit was the basic two-piece bikini. A bit more material — while still showcasing some serious skin — meant a whopping 93 percent approval rating among men (and several said the look most closely resembled women in bras and panties...). Only 7 percent didn't like the cut.’

Angie Everhart, 1995
Michelle Behennah, 2001

Vanessa Lorenzo, 2002

Melissa Keller, 2003

Upton Fatigue

Interesting observation: When I happened across the Kate Upton Easter Bunny video last weekend, my knee-jerk reaction was, “Again?”

Maybe Kate is a teensy bit overexposed.

These two stories were side-by-side on my Yahoo news feed the other morning:One story is a video about Kate’s appearance as a sexy nun in the Three Stooges movie.The other addresses whether she wore a dress better or worse than Mila Kunis.True, she’s referred to as “model” in both headlines. And true, the fashion critic gives Mila the edge in the red-dress-off. But it’s telling that, according to the list of “labels” on the right of this screen, Kate has been featured in more posts (25) than any other model on this blog. (With this post, she leapfrogs Irina Shayk’s 24.) This is a girl who came on the SI radar barely a year ago. Perhaps we’re a little oversaturated with her?

In honor of her sexy habit, maybe I’ll declare a Kate Lent. Do you think I can go six weeks without posting about her?

Goodbye for now, Kate! See you after May 26!
Meanwhile, let’s yield the floor to some models I’ve neglected.

Manon

Oluchi Onweagba

Melissa Baker

Aline Nakashima

Melissa Keller

Lorraine Pascale

Lujan Fernandez