Pump(s) Up the Volume

How about a few more pairs of heels? Add some rock and roll to the bikini + high heels combo, and you have a perfect music video outfit.

The 2007 “Music” issue illustrated this well.

And heck, why not a couple more shots of Anne V. She seems to like wearing heels.

The Covers of Aldridge

The swimsuit issue will be upon us in a mere month, and it will be followed by a mini-launch-music-festival in Nashville, featuring music by Kings of Leon.

Ring a bell? Kings of Leon is fronted by Caleb Followill, who is husband to one Lily Aldridge.

This led to immediate speculation that we are in for Lily as cover girl.

Who, me?

I would have a hard time complaining about that. (Personally, I’m rooting for Hannah Ferguson, but Lily would be a great consolation prize.)

One month, ladies and gentlemen! How time flies.

Why Ya Gotta Be So Mean?

Lily Aldridge and a few other not-unattractive ladies lip sync to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” in this Victoria's Secret video.
There is some irony here, because T-Swift wasn’t quite able to shake off a mild dis from Jessica Hart last year. Tay-Sway (I have no idea if that’s one of her nicknames, but it works for me) kicked Jessica to the curb.

Jessica, you are always welcome here.

Kate Upton? Tony Hale? Cocktails?

If they had added some chocolate, and the band was, say, The New Pornographers or They Might Be Giants, this video would cover just about all of my interests.

Thanks, Kate.

And another shout-out to Arrested Development, for good measure.

MTV: Model Television

MTV launched on this date in 1981. To celebrate, and in the wake of Blurred Lines, let’s look at a smattering of SI models’ appearances in music videos.

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In a moment of artistic license, Christie Brinkley portrays Billy Joel’s “red-haired girl in a Chevrolet” in the video for Keeping the Faith.

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Paulina Porizkova is some kind of sexy mental patient in The Cars’ Drive.

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George Michael’s legendary video for Freedom! ’90 features a bevy of supermodels, including Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford.

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Stephanie Seymour plays a doomed bride in the Guns N’ Roses video November Rain, in the most tragic cake-in-the-rain incident this side of MacArthur Park.

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Speaking of The Cars, their sound is a clear influence on Fountains of Wayne’s Stacey’s Mom, just as Phoebe Cates is a clear influence on Rachel Hunter in the titular role.

(Phoebe has spawned at least two tributes from SI models, the other being Heidi Klum.)

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Robin Thicke gets around, doesn’t he? He spends Sweetest Love in bed with Jessica White.

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And speaking of sweet, Gavin DeGraw rescues Genevieve Morton from a loutish boyfriend and takes her on a joyous breaking-and-entering spree in Sweeter.

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And finally, Kate Bock is informed of a lothario’s intentions for the evening in The Lonely Island’s Jack Sparrow video.

Blurred is the Word

So, I finally caught up with the rest of the universe and watched the video for “Blurred Lines” the other day. It’s, um… Gosh it’s something, isn’t it?

(The uncensored version is here, and don’t click that if you are even thinking about work.)

So, one of the topless lovelies in the video was on a casting call for SI swimsuit. Emily Ratajkowski.

I think she’d be excellent, IF they can capture her personality from the video. What makes her the most watchable person in it is the casual, almost sardonic attitude she has.

There’s a lot of humor to her presence. She’s wriggling, prancing across the screen, bopping back and forth in a perpetual shrug, as if to say, “Am I being exploited? Maybe. Who cares. I’m gonna have fun.”

I wonder if SI would be able to snag that essence, or if she’d end up looking a bit more scrubbed-up and straightforward.

She looks like a sultrier Maria Menounos, doesn’t she?

In any case, I’d say she’s got a good chance to appear, given the publicity surrounding her. She certainly has a bigger wave to ride than Katherine Webb did, and SI jumped on a chance to show her off.

To tide you over in the meantime, here’s Emily writhing around in Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie.

A Damsel in This Dress

Kenza Fourati is in a new music video!

Sorry, “music motion picture.” She plays the gal pal of someone named Ryan Leslie as they gallivant around Europe.

He makes sure she is dressed in all the finest frippery, but through it all he makes it clear that he only puts clothing onto her body so that he may have the pleasure of removing it.

Sample lyrics:
’Cause I only dress you to undress you (take them clothes off) 
Girl, I only dress you to undress you (take them clothes off) 
I just wanna strip all your labels from you (t-t-t-take them clothes off) 
’Cause girl, I only dress you to undress you

 Apparently, Kenza and Leslie are a real-life item.

I gotta tell you Ryan, I get it. I also like Kenza when there’s not a stitch on her.

You Can't Spell "Maroon Five" without "V"

So I guess it's Maroon Fie now.

Anne V and what's-his-face broke up.This is downright devastating on the heels of Heidi and Seal splitting.There hasn't been this kind of crushing swimsuit-model-rocker-breakup malaise in the air since Billy Joel split with his uptown girl Christie Brinkley.Except: a bit of trivia. "Uptown Girl" was not inspired by Christie Brinkley......but by Elle Macpherson.Billy Joel got to hobnob with both swimsuit issue cover three-peaters. I can't tell if I want to high-five him or sock him in the jaw.

In any case, pressure's on, Chrissy.

National Tennis Month: Ana Ivanovic, 2010

We end National Tennis Month with Ana Ivanovic.TRIVIA: Like fellow tennis player/swimsuit model Anna Kournikova, Ana has inspired a song. “Hurricane Ana” is the creation of Serbian rapper Filip Filipi (aka “Sin”).

Opening lyric:
“They should name a hurricane after her.”

Turns out, they’ve tried to do just that. Six times.

(The song doesn’t seem to have any tennis in it whatsoever, but it does reference Donatella Versace, Islam, stocks and bonds, pelican migration, the songs of Elvis Presley and Sade, and “The Lion King.”)

National Tennis Month: Anna Kournikova, 2004

Here we have a pic that’s the opposite of Steffi Graf’s. Anna Kournikova lounges on the sand while the waves lap at her. She’s much softer looking, much more at home in a girlie magazine.If I didn’t know she was a tennis player, I would probably not have blinked at her presence in the swimsuit issue.

TRIVIA: The band Tin Hat Trio has a musical piece called “Anna Kournikova” on their album “Helium.” It’s a lilting, two-and-a-half-minute acoustic tango of guitar, accordion and violin. I have no idea why it's named after her.

One in a Brazilian

Beyoncé may or may not be pregnant.

This Schrödinger's cat of a baby has a passing brush with the subject matter of this blog, as its possible mother was the swimsuit issue cover girl back in 2007. Count me as one of those people who thought the choice was kind of lame.

Make no mistake, she rocks a bikini. And as I’ve stated, I don’t mind when non-models find their way into the issue. But the cover? That’s for models. This cover, as pretty as it is, was when the swimsuit issue jumped the shark.

But I’m not deeply offended or anything, It’s bikini girls, not adaptations of great works of literature. Beyoncé and SI got some mutual publicity, and the viewing public got to see this:The following year, we got Marisa, and the world continued on its way.

All this is an awkward lead-in to a discussion of Daniella Sarahyba. She is pregnant, if in fact she hasn’t had her baby yet. I found this out through the Twittersphere and was kind of sad, because it meant most likely we won’t see her in the 2011 swimsuit issue.

Daniella took a while to grow on me. The first thing to jump out at me in her first appearance back in 2005 was her shoulders. They’re very broad.This was useful when she had a KISS t-shirt painted onto her in 2007. Joanne Gair needed room for four faces.But my initial impression was that they gave her a masculine appearance that I found somewhat unattractive. I dismissed her as one of those models who would appear in an issue or two and be forgotten.

But she stuck around, and gradually I noticed my affection for her. She’s so happy.

Nearly every photo features a big, toothy smile:
…or a warm, flirty grin:
…or a giant rictus of joy: While other models spend most of their time glowering or pouting or staring down the camera, Daniella’s face nearly always declares, “I love being naked!” Her smile is presided over by two warm Brazilian eyes and surrounded by a freaking magnificent head of hair.

There’s a moment in this 2007 video that sums her up nicely. As a Brazilian, she likes her bikinis miniscule. In discussing the ones she’s been wearing on the shoot, she says:

- - - - - “I love Brazilian bathing suits … because they are like, they have like, small cuts, you know, makes nice body to Brazilian women. (giggle) I’m sure you guys like it too!”
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It warms my heart to know that there are women out there who know I’m looking and seem tickled by that.

For some reason, I recently asked myself if there was an SI model I’d consider “cute.” Sultry, sexy, pretty, pixieish—those adjectives find their way to models pretty easily. But “cute” eluded me until I thought of Daniella.

I leave you with this photo, also from 2007.On the left is Ana Beatriz Barros, her sultry smirk practically daring you to look at her. On the right is Fernanda Motta, exuding her beatific smolder.

And in the center, with her arms around them in warm, naked-girl camaraderie, is Daniella. Her shoulders broad, her smile wide, her bikini negligible.

I’m going to miss her in 2011.

All the Models to the Floor Right Now

Kanye West name-checks a bunch of SI models in his song “Christian Dior Denim Flow.” Here is the roster:





Yo, Kanye, I’m really happy for you, I’ma let you finish. But I must correct a couple things.

First of all, “Gomes” does not rhyme with “homes.” (EDIT: Or does it?) It rhymes with, well, “Gomez.” AND SO HELP ME, KANYE, IF YOU DAMAGE ONE HAIR ON HER HEAD…

Second, Bar and Esti are probably not friends.