Basic Black

The cover is out, and it’s another threesome.

Kate, Jasmine, and Olivia team up to usher in 2020, at long last.

It’s a solid cover. I like the stark elegance of all the black swimsuits. The girls look good.

I don’t know what “Life, Levity and the Pursuit of Beauty” means… I guess “levity” might be a nod to the idea I mentioned yesterday — that the world is pretty heavy right now, so let’s enjoy some bikinis. “The pursuit of beauty” might be a reference to their mission of expanding beauty ideals, but that too is odd considering that all three models have pretty conventional swimsuit bodies.

Why it’s all wrapped in a Declaration of Independence reference, I have no idea. Maybe they thought this would come out closer to the Fourth?

And did they consider “Life, Liberty and the SWIMsuit of Happiness”?

Anyway, the girls are all just kind of standing there. A single hot girl in a great dynamic pose would have been better. Even two girls can leave room for a fun visual.

But SI is still on a kick of overloading us with covergirls. Each girl apparently gets her own cover, too, but those are similarly straightforward.

I’m sad that my holy trinity of Barbara Palvin, Lais Ribeiro, and Hailey Clauson all departed in one fell swoop. Babs and Lais should have gotten at least one cover between them. And Emily DiDonato’s return would have been nicely enhanced with a cover.

Nothing against this trio. I’ve become quite a fan of Kate, I was an early adapter of Olivia, and Jasmine looks pretty magnificent. And they make a very alluring harem.

(SI seems to have pre-released the three models’ individual shoots in their entirety, which is new.)

Anyway, let’s induct Miss Culpo into Underboob Monday as we digest this newest batch of photos and wait for the rest of the magazine.

The Decade, from Cover to Cover

These are my favorite five covers of this blog’s ten-year history.

#5: 2014 (Nina, Lily, Chrissy)

One of only five multi-girl covers in SI’s history.

When it was revealed, I liked how silly it was. It was the 50th anniversary, and a lot of gimmicks were in play. But they landed on the sweet simplicity of three smiling, topless girls. I also think it’s fun and sexy that they’re touching each other’s butts. Can’t lie.

• • •

#4: 2017 (Kate)

Counting the three “collector’s covers” from 2017, Kate was on five covers this past decade. This was her best one.

Her first cover was criticized from all directions, including one fashion observer deeming it a “catastrophe.” (I disagree, but not THAT strongly.)

This one is interesting because, as one Twitter user pointed out, across three covers she is only wearing half of one swimsuit. That half is the cute little white bottom pictured here. (The rest of the “swimsuits” are vests, macramé, and a collection of necklaces.)

Extra cover trivia: It's Kate's second sleeved cover.

Her face is washed out, a victim of over-retouching I guess. But it’s a very nice survey of her body.

• • •

#3: 2011 (Irina)

A couple weeks after this cover was revealed, I ranked it #8 on my list of all the covers. It holds up, even with the mannequin-ish edge to her face. A great bikini (which was featured in a lot of Hawaii shots that year) on a great body. Those breasts truly earn their place of honor on this cover.

• • •

#2: 2018 (Danielle)

Considering I didn’t expect her to make a return after her 2017 rookie year, she gave us a pretty wonderful cover. The kinetic splashes around her adorable posterior make this a fun, care-free photo. It feels like a throwback to the 80s shots of my youth.

• • •

#1: 2016 (Hailey)

One of my favorite models of the last decade gets a fun, beachy cover. A smiling, topless blonde in the surf. Very classic. You can almost smell the sunscreen.

Decadence

So it’s June 1, 2020. Obviously, there’s a lot going on today. But.

Ten years ago today, I put fingers to keyboard and started broadcasting my weird little thoughts and observations about the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

A surprising amount of stuff has happened to the issue since then.

The 50th Anniversary. The return of nipples. Recreations of historic shoots.

The foray into social issues. The widening of beauty standards for size, age, and amount of exposed skin. The shift to a kind of half-girlie-magazine, half-women’s-magazine.

The returns of many glorious veterans. The first second-generation model. The unveiling of a superstar.

SI Swim’s increase in social media, from boobcam tweets to an entire SI-hosted blog. A VR app. Live conventions.

A leaked cover. Three triple-covers. The pushing back of the release date from February to May to July.

Through it all, I’ve discovered I’m not the only historian with a deep affinity for this quaint, outdated slice of American cheesecake. There are maybe five or six of us.

I’ve enjoyed having a place to share my love for this magazine, and to share my frustrations as well.

At one point, my plan was to review the 2020 issue, whether it came out in February or May, then maybe shut the blog down (again) on June 1. But the schedule didn’t cooperate with that plan. I definitely want to see what 2020 is going to be like.

After that, who knows? The first time I ended this blog, after five years, was five years ago. And I just can’t seem to quit the swimsuit issue.

One-Piece Wednesday: Tyra Banks, 2019

Surprise.

This one was successfully kept under wraps. Tyra Banks joins fellow historic cover girls Christie and Paulina as living legends who’ve returned.

I think she looks great, personally … though the posing is a little strange. A lot of bland, widespread leg action. Tilt your hips a little, maybe? Or cross one leg in front of the other?

Or maybe I shouldn’t tell Tyra Banks of all people how to model.

She also got one of (again) three covers.

Gotta say, new rookie Camille looks fantastic. Hers is my favorite of the three. But I’m bummed we didn’t get Babs or Lais or Hailey, who are my current Holy Trinity of SI.

I’m sure there’s a tidal wave of hot takes rolling in, so I’ll keep watching. I still haven’t seen the whole trove of photos.

Tell You What...

I think this is a pretty damn good cover.

Welcome, Danielle.

Dig in, ladies and gentlemen.

Mo Bunnies Mo Problems

An alert commenter let me know that I’d missed a few SI girls in my list of Playboy appearances.

Lena Kansbod had a cover in February, 1977.

This was a much sultrier shot than her SI cover of the previous month.

• • •

Barbara Carrera had a nice pictorial to tie in with a long-forgotten movie.

The photos are a lot more timeless.

• • •

And Amber Smith made a March, 1995 appearance, just after her two SI issues.

Her photos have a fun showgirl feel to them. That's by design: In her interviews, she says, "For me to be sexy—and this is what I told [photographer] Bert Stern—I need humor and playfulness. I can't do innocence."

• • •

In addition to those three, I’ve discovered that luscious 2017 rookie Kelly Gale also revealed herself in the September, 2016 Playboy, during their Year Without a Nipple.

You don’t have to show everything to stop my heart.

Mercy.

• • •

There may well be more girls who have done both magazines. But this is a good overview.

By the way, here are those hidden bunnies: necklace in mouth, cigarette, feathers in front of left biceps, t-shirt rips by left fingers.

Kate, Kate, Kate

I was absolutely not expecting this.

She looks fantastic, though! Welcome back!

Real question. Does this bring Kate to three front covers, tying her with Christie? Or five, tying her with Elle?

That’s the Way the Rookie Crumbles 2016

Time for my annual congrats to the rookies who returned and farewell to those who didn’t make it back another year.

It was another largely successful crop, with five survivors and only two who didn’t come back. I’m proud to say that my predictions for what 2015 rookies would see 2016 were solid. My top five returned, my bottom two did not.

I don’t care what y’all say, I think Kelly Rohrbach is mouthwatering.

Especially in a sweet one-piece.

And of course Hailey Clauson, she of the bewilderingly low ROTY voting, got herself a cover and an array of great shots.

Including this awesome one-piece.

And I’m thrilled to see the bubbly Rose Bertram is back and as bubbly as ever.

With no one-pieces to her name, but I forgive her.

I can’t put my finger on why, but I had a feeling Ashley Smith and Solveig wouldn’t stick around. Much like Shannan Click a few years ago, they didn’t seem to snap into place.

Solveig in particular is very pretty. I’m not sure why she didn’t make a stronger impression on me.

And Ashley? Well, you can’t argue with this butt.

Hate to see you go, Ashley, but I love to watch you leave.

Rookies crumbling 2015, 2013, 2012, 2011