The Stories I Missed

I got caught up in ranking the top 50 swimsuit models, then I neglected to revisit some of these tidbits about our girls. Here are some non-SI appearances I missed.

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Crystal Renn did some truly beautiful photos for Harper’s Bazaar España:

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Kate Upton continued her high fashion quest with a shoot for Vogue Brasil:

…as well as a David Yurman campaign.

With all the boob emphasis, you mustn’t forget how gorgeous her face is.

But she stayed true to her swimsuit roots by modeling a Chrissy Teigen line of bridal bikinis, which are apparently a thing.

This article brings up a pretty funny point… “Don’t ‘bridal bikinis’ sound like something she would totally go on a tirade about on Twitter?”

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Irina Shayk did a severely badass photoshoot for GQ Russia:

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Izabel Goulart kicked equal amounts of ass for GQ Brasil:

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And Hannah Davis looked real cute in Ocean Drive.

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Meanwhile, Bar Refaeli, Natasha Barnard, and (welcome back!) Petra Nemcova have fulfilled their ends of the bargain and come out with new lingerie shoots, for Passionata, Leonisa, and Wild Orchid respectively:

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Finally, Alyssa Miller showed off her bikini talents in a glammed-up campaign for Manor swimwear.

And now you are more or less caught up!

Topless Tuesday: 1971 (The Pioneers)

If my research is correct, 1971 provided the first two topless photos in the history of the swimsuit issue.

First, on pages 36 and 37, we’re treated to a spread of covergirl Tannia Rubiano, shot from the back:

(Sorry about the gutter. Sadly, I do not have a physical copy of the 1971 issue, so I had to create a screencap of the reproduction online.)

Then, a few pages later, we find Cynthia Korman, also demurely keeping her back to the camera (but still managing to show off some cleavage).

It’s interesting to note the way these two shots are described in the captions. A point is made of the fact that these girls are not wearing tops.

For Tannia, it describes “…the hotel’s private beach—accessible only by sea or air. In such seclusion tops and cares may be discarded; Tannia (center) does both…”

For Cynthia, the caption describes her attire as a “costume suited to sunshine and seclusion.”

Toplessness was rare and remarkable enough for it to be called out, where now it’s pretty commonplace. In fact, I believe it was another eight eleven years before another topless bikini would appear in SI.

Blurred is the Word

So, I finally caught up with the rest of the universe and watched the video for “Blurred Lines” the other day. It’s, um… Gosh it’s something, isn’t it?

(The uncensored version is here, and don’t click that if you are even thinking about work.)

So, one of the topless lovelies in the video was on a casting call for SI swimsuit. Emily Ratajkowski.

I think she’d be excellent, IF they can capture her personality from the video. What makes her the most watchable person in it is the casual, almost sardonic attitude she has.

There’s a lot of humor to her presence. She’s wriggling, prancing across the screen, bopping back and forth in a perpetual shrug, as if to say, “Am I being exploited? Maybe. Who cares. I’m gonna have fun.”

I wonder if SI would be able to snag that essence, or if she’d end up looking a bit more scrubbed-up and straightforward.

She looks like a sultrier Maria Menounos, doesn’t she?

In any case, I’d say she’s got a good chance to appear, given the publicity surrounding her. She certainly has a bigger wave to ride than Katherine Webb did, and SI jumped on a chance to show her off.

To tide you over in the meantime, here’s Emily writhing around in Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie.

All of the Sports, None of the Swimsuit

Every year, two questions seem to pop up as critiques of the swimsuit issue: “What does this have to do with sports?” and “Where are the hot guys?”

The questions are probably rhetorical, but just in case someone is looking for answers, here they are: 1) Nothing, and 2) Elsewhere.

The SI swimsuit issue is a girlie magazine that happens, through a weird series of events, to be branded under the banner of a sports magazine. If the seed had been planted today—if in 2013 the editors said to Jule Campbell, “February is pretty slow for sports, let’s put a pretty girl on the cover”—I don’t think it would have turned into the swimsuit issue as we know it.

It might have become ESPN The Magazine’s “Body Issue” instead.

There’s definitely titillation involved in ESPN. They make no effort to cover up the fact that these are drool-worthy bodies. But they’re all athletes, and they’re representative of both sexes and all ages. It’s genuine sports-mag cheesecake.

I’d say it’s a noble undertaking. I think it dodges a lot of the complaints that are commonly aimed at SI while de-vilifying the enjoyment of an attractive body.

Will SI ever follow suit? I doubt it. Sure, athletes have posed with their wives, and Bar has posed with athletes.

But demanding the regular appearance of male models in the swimsuit issue is like bursting into a florist’s and demanding to know why they don’t sell Big Macs. It’s just not what they do.

PS: Like the Body Issue but miss the naked women in paint? Well, Fiat bridges the gap for you.

One-Piece Wednesday: Kim Alexis, 1983

One-Piece Wednesday: Kathy Ireland, 1989

Book It

Brooklyn Decker Fans tweeted this preview pic for "50 Years of Beautiful":

Great previously unseen shots from Christie’s 1979 cover!

This which led me to realize that the cover and a sizable preview are now up on Amazon. (Love the cover-bikini!)

“Click to look inside” the book. Not the bikini top.

Looks like a pretty beautiful, in-depth volume. I’m especially looking forward to all the alternate shots. Some months ago, I stumbled upon this alt fishnet shot of Cheryl Tiegs—I don’t even remember where—and wondered if we’d ever see a stash of high-quality alts from this shoot. We’ll see some in this book.

The preview is very heavy on post-2000 photos, but I hope they spend a good amount of time on earlier stuff.

Looking forward to October!

Happy Birthday, Kim Alexis

53 today.

Kim, I promise someday I will stop getting you confused with Kelly Emberg.

Top 50 Postmortem

Some observations:

First of all, I was wrong in my initial prediction that SI would stack the top ten with current models, and in my hunch that Kate Upton would be #1. In fact, Kate (at #3) was the only top-ten girl who’s currently active in SI.

We also agreed that Elle Macpherson is #1. I was glad to see that.

All in all, 33 models appeared on SI’s list and my list. I had 17 that SI didn’t have, and they had 17 that I didn’t have.

What’s that? You’d like to see that in a Venn diagram? I’ll see what I can do.

My circle’s on the left. SI’s is on the right.

Some other stats…

One-Hit Wonders

Me: 4 (Kenza Fourati, Kim Cloutier, Jeisa Chiminazzo, Lucia Dvorska)

SI: 1 (Babette March)

Covergirls

Me: 22

SI: 26

(All of mine were on theirs, plus four models in bold who were just on SI’s)

Elle Heidi Paulina Rebecca Petra Christie Cheryl Elsa Kate Daniela Carol Valeria Ashley Veronica Marisa Bar Irina Brooklyn Tyra Kathy Yamila Rachel Babette Judit Carolyn Vendela

Current Models (appeared in the 2013 issue)

Me: 6

SI: 9

We agreed on Julie Henderson, Jessica Gomes, Kate Upton, Irina Shayk, and Anne V. I included Ariel Meredith, SI opted for Chrissy Teigen, Nina Agdal, Cintia Dicker, and Genevieve Morton.

This Tidbit from Christie Brinkley

On her choice for all-time top swimsuit model: “I think you should ask your readers not us. But if you ask my son he’ll tell you in a nano second … Kate Upton!”

It must be awkward to be a swimsuit model mom with a teenage son, and a teenage son with a swimsuit model mom.

She would have a hard time telling her son to take down those cheesecake photos from his bedroom walls when she herself was a subject of said cheesecake some thirty years earlier.

And his brain has some tiptoeing to do as well.

Ogle this SI covergirl in a white bikini!

DO NOT ogle this SI covergirl in a white bikini!

One-Piece Wednesday: Genevieve Morton, 2013

Let’s follow up Genevieve’s Topless Tuesday with a One-Piece Wednesday.

Happy Birthday, Jessica and Genevieve

Well hello there, Jessica Van Der Steen.

Happy 29th.

And speaking of curvy blondes with birthdays, Genevieve Morton is 27 today.

She seems to have invented a Twitter holiday called “Topless Tuesday,” which may well be worth celebrating here as well, as an aperitif before One-Piece Wednesday. 

Also, hooray for Galore magazine once again for featuring “peepshow” sequences with Genevieve and Julie.

 I hope we get some big, high-quality pics from these shoots soon!

Happy Birthday, Daniella Sarahyba

Swim Daily has a nice little celebration for Daniella Sarahyba’s birthday. They provide an array of pretty photos of Daniella:

…and just for good measure, one of Irina Shayk:

…and two of Fernanda Tavares:

I guess it’s easy to get disoriented—Daniella is pretty intoxicating.

They also included a shot from 2007 with a little less retouching, specifically in, um, three key areas… (Original release on the left, today’s on the right.)

And this one, revealing a heart tattoo I was previously ignorant of, just above her beautiful Brazilian bottom.

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And speaking of marks on the butt, Heidi Klum recently made an appeal for our sympathies by revealing her backyard sunburn on Instagram.

Heck. Why should the birthday girl have all the fun? Spankings all around!