Bonus One-Piece Wednesday: Gigi Hadid, 2014

I highly recommend Gigi Hadid’s Swim Daily Polaroids (parts one and two). Not only do you get to see this intoxicating young blonde in all her fresh-faced goofiness and playfulness, but you also get some nice, casual peeks at some one-piecers. Some suits made it into the issue, some are new to our eyes.

Enjoy.

One-Piece Wednesday: Shakara Ledard, 2005

FOX News Can Kiss Chrissy's Lovely Bottom

Here's the thing. I don't think Chrissy's tweet was made with the best instincts. The timing was off. And I take issue with her insistence that it's "not a joke," something she insisted more than once.

Of course it's a joke. It's a standard joke template that's been floating around for years.

"[SOMETHING BIZARRE OR OVERWHELMING]. Or as I call it, [DAY OF THE WEEK]."

I think it's disingenuous to claim that it's not a joke.

A dark joke. A serious joke. A joke with a legitimate message, yes. But undoubtedly a joke.

Unfortunately, "It's your fault if you don't get it" is the standard go-to defense of someone who has just made a troublesome joke on a sensitive topic without fully anticipating the blowback.

However, I like Chrissy. I like her Twitter persona. I also am positive she didn't make that joke to belittle the tragedy, but to point out how one of the worst murders to happen all year in Canada is essentially something we've more or less come to expect on a nauseatingly regular basis in the U.S.

Furthermore, I hate Chrissy's haters. She bears the brunt of some of the most vile and vicious online attacks of any celebrity I pay attention to. Her political views, her non-political jokes, her photos, her marriage, it's all open to merciless online bullshit. And it comes from all directions. Half of them will say she's ugly. The other half will say she should stick to being pretty.

By the way, I also have a big problem with the dismissive claim that celebrities shouldn't weigh in on serious topics, but rather "stick to [acting/singing/modeling/etc]." Funny how no one says that when the celebrity says something they agree with.

So that brings us to the FOX News clip. That network is so skilled at manufacturing outrage that it isn't surprising that they latched on to this. (Though, to be honest, they were actually more subdued that I would have expected.) But when Andrea Tantaros says, "Chrissy Teigen is known for, obviously, her lovely bottom and her food Instagram pictures. She should stick to that," it's hypocritical coming from a network that's perfectly happy to trot out Ted Nugent or Donald Trump or whatever flag-waving blonde country western singer just released a freedom ballad this week.

Anyway, not sure why I'm getting so political on my bikini blog. I guess a lot of things I'm interested in are converging here: humor and its uses, the fetid political atmosphere in this country, my general distaste for how badly Chrissy gets treated by her online enemies, and (of course) lovely bottoms.

So Andrea and the rest of you blow-dried talking heads, pucker up.

Oh, and you should definitely make Chrissy's chipotle marinade. It's awesome.

Coffee Can Be Bad for Your Hart

Yike, apparently someone spilled some scalding coffee on Jessica Hart’s foot.

It landed her in a (probably precautionary) wheelchair.

Enjoy these photos of Jessica’s right foot in happier times.

Sea, Legs

I for one did not know that an SI swimsuit model went on to marry loathsome man-toddler Donald Trump. But as Swim Daily pointed out yesterday, 2000 one-hit wonder Melania Knauss did just that.

The accompanying photo shows her embracing a bloated sea-creature, which, it turns out, was sadly prophetic.

Anyway, she looks good. And it makes a nice lead-in to another “Animals and Swimsuits” post. Enjoy our girls with dolphins, sharks, fish, and other sea life.

Happy Birthday, Izabel Goulart

UPDATE: It has been pointed out to me that the 2013 photos below are of Isabeli Fontana, not Izabel Goulart. I have no excuse other than early-morning delirious web searching. I'm leaving them up though, because they are beautiful pictures.

• • •

To celebrate her 30th, let’s take a look at a couple spreads she did for Lui magazine.

From 2013:

From 2014:

Both years, she seemed to misplace her bottoms in one or two of the shots.

The Missing (One-)Piece

About a minute and a half into this 2014 video about the history of the swimsuit, you get a few glimpses of Hannah Ferguson in a beautiful gold one-piece.

Unless I missed something, the suit doesn’t show up in the magazine, in the online photos, or in my recently acquired 2015 weekly calendar.

It’s a shame. Here we have possibly my favorite 2014 rookie in a glorious swimsuit that seems custom-tailored to my tastes, and all we have is a couple of screen grabs.

I hope Swim Daily gives us a nice Hannah retrospective including some pics of this gem.

Topless Tuesday: Elsa Benitez, 2004

Hole In My Hart

Back in 2011, I mentioned how I found Jessica Hart’s tooth gap to be a bit of a distraction. I would like to rescind that statement.

Back over the summer, she was in this June/July issue of Harper’s Bazaar Australia.

All in white.

She looks beautiful.

That sent me down a rabbit hole of Hart-watching. She has a nice little striptease sequence in this GQ Australia.

Jessica, you’re gorgeous. Keep that gap coming.

 

Hello there indeed.

Oh, and this photo, from an Interview magazine pictorial called “Golden Handcuffs.”

No teeth visible in the shot, but it presses some buttons for me.