Twenty-Twenty, Won

Tanaye White and Kathy Jacobs are the newly minted rookies for 2021, meaning I didn’t get my wish.

However, Tanaye was one of the girls I was rooting for in last year’s model search, so let’s consider it a delayed victory.

In fact, here’s a fun photo. Two future model search winners, Class of 2020 and Class of 2021, in their black-bikini’d glory.

Tanaye seems to have slimmed down and muscled up a bit since her 2019 model search photos, which is a bit of a shame. But that magnificent sphere of hair is new too, and I very much enjoy that.

Kathy is good looking. Pretty amazing body, regardless of her age.

This is a tired complaint I keep making, but we’ve discarded so many wonderful models after one year, or two years, or even zero years if they’re not selected from their model searches. Chase Carter, for example, grabbed me immediately, so that years later I’m still pining after what might have been. 

None of this year’s candidates grabbed me like that.

The thing is, I don’t think they’re supposed to anymore. There’s clearly been a shift in what the swimsuit issue is trying to be.

Five years ago, in a post that touched on (then-)potential rookies Robin Lawley, Ashley Graham, and Marquita Pring, I wrote “I don’t think SI necessarily has a responsibility to change standards of beauty (they’re more in the business of harnessing those standards for profit).”

But now they seem to have taken up the cause of changing those standards of beauty. Trying to nudge the Overton window a bit.

As Tyra Banks said in this Fashionista article:
“Of course, it's male gaze. Duh. … But, it's not just that and so what I love about what's happening now is the woman looking at the swimsuit issue can see all of these different myriads of beauty that can possibly reflect her. … And the man can look at it and see not just what he was trained to like [by society], but go, 'why am I tingling when I'm looking at this photo of Hunter [McGrady] or Tara Lynn?' It's digging deep into what he truly is attracted to, but hasn't been trained to like."

And part of me, let’s call it my superego, thinks that’s good. I’m in favor of inclusivity, I’m in favor of opening up the standards of beauty so people don’t feel ostracized or inferior.

But there’s another part of me, let’s call it my id, that says “Why can’t the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue be the realm of impossibly beautiful women? That’s what the swimsuit issue is for. We all know it’s for fantasy purposes only. Fill it with Sara Sampaios and Chase Carters and Rose Bertrams and Raven Lyns and all the other girls we didn’t get enough of.”

I want my little island of unrealistic hotness.

MJ Day said in this Bustle interview:
"Kate [Upton], when she was on her first cover [in 2012] — people straight up called her fat. With this issue, people are coming after SI saying, 'Oh you're all about body diversity, but why is Kate Upton on the cover again?'" Day says. "I love that, because you know what that means? It means we have come so far in just five years."

This is a little different from my memory of Kate Upton’s arrival on the scene. I do remember people from the fashion world voicing the opinion that Kate wasn’t thin enough for their shows. But the red-blooded American hetero men of the world, the magazine’s ostensible audience? They immediately hailed her as their new bikini queen. I mean, it was unanimous. Everybody loved Kate.

Her Highness.

I’m not sure Kate Upton was really a swimsuit issue trailblazer. Robyn Lawley, introduced in 2015, was a significant step, though I felt that she had a very Ashley Richardson body. 

 

Ashley Graham, 2016 — she was an iconoclast.

Anyway, I’m torn. I don’t want to be one of those “OH NO THE SJWS ARE TRYING TO MAKE BONERS ILLEGAL” idiots. But I do kind of miss the yearly injection of plain-old message-free hotness.

The “good clean dirty fun” of the swimsuit issue was what inspired this blog in the first place. There was something retro about it, not just as a throwback to earlier years of the swimsuit issue, but as a throwback to pinups in general, on teens’ bedroom walls and WWII fighter planes. Maybe I liked that it was something we as a society were “getting away with” to some extent, kind of a naughty alcove of old-fashioned cheesecake, with its smiles and sand and cleavage peeks.

Ten-Hit Wonders

These are, in my humble opinion, the ten best one-hit wonders to grace the swimsuit issue in this blog’s ten-year history.

#10 Georgia Gibbs (2018)

First appearance: February 28, 2018, Models Named in Suit

• • •

#9 Lauren Mellor (2014)

First appearance: December 6, 2013, Copycats

• • •

#8 Kenza Fourati (2011)

First appearance: February 12, 2011, Your 2011 Rookies

• • •

#7 Michelle Vawer (2012)

First appearance: November 16, 2011, One-Piece Wednesday: 2012 Mystery Ladies

• • •

#6 Bregje Heinen (2014)

(This swimsuit alone would have gotten her on this list.)

First appearance: June 4 2013, So It Begins

• • •

#5 Sofia Resing (2016)

First appearance: February 17, 2016, Headless Body in Topless Photo

• • •

#4 Cris Urena (2014)

First appearance: December 6, 2013, Copycats

• • •

#3 Chase Carter (2018)

First appearance: January 28, 2018, Turning Back the Pages

• • •

#2 Kelly Gale (2017)

First appearance: February 7, 2017, Christie’s Back

• • •

#1 Raven Lyn (2018)

First appearance: October 19, 2017, Back to Basics

Interesting trivia: The one-hit wonders of the last decade had a Lyn (Raven, 2018) and a Lynn (Tara, 2019) as well as a Ren (Alexis, 2018) and a Renn (Crystal, 2012).

Also-Ren

I guess we should talk about Alexis Ren.

She won Rookie of the Year last year. Where has she gone?

For the eight previous officially designated Rookies of the Year, we assumed that the title was a guarantee we'd see the girl again. Whether you came back just once (Sara Sampaio/Kelly Rohrbach/Bianca Balti) or continue to return to this very day (Kate Bock/Barbara Palvin), a ROTY title was always a return ticket.

Alexis Ren is the first ROTY/one-hit wonder.

I don’t know much about her except that she arrived with a full contingent of fans and Insta fame, which she rode to the title.

I think she’s hot. A little straightforward for my tastes, maybe, but you can’t deny that she looks fantastic in a bikini. And she exudes a fun and happy personality that’s great to see.

(I love this bikini on her. Great colors, fun cut. Her best 2018 photos, for my money.)

I wonder what happened. I’m sure at some point the plan was to bring her back. It looked like a mutually beneficial relationship. Scheduling issues? Feud of some sort?

So, who should have won last year?

Raven Lyn gets my retroactive vote. Assuming she’s not coming back after a skipped year or two, I must add her to my ever-growing list of “shoulda-beens.”

Robin Holzken would also make my shortlist, and as a bonus, she actually came back in 2019.

And my dearly mourned Chase Carter rounds out my threesome. I think she had a lot more swimsuit to give.

This week, I plan to rewrite SI swimsuit history with a ROTY retrospective.

Until then, let us say farewell to Alexis.

Calendar Girls, Revisited: 1995

Stacey Williams ushered in a couple wonderful models in 1995. Unfortunately, I fear they are both destined to be one-hit wonders.


On January 9, Stacey oversaw the arrival of Raven Lyn. Raven was one of the 2018 models I was most excited about, but there's been no word of her participating in the 2019 shoots thus far.

 Hailey Clauson, however, has been accounted for in 2019.

And on March 7, 1995, her birth was celebrated by an underrated one-hit wonder in her own right, Jenny Brunt.

Another one-and-done girl, Solveig, arrived on April 13, heralded by her fellow one-name wonder Vendela.

Stacey's second one-hit wonder of the year is the deeply mourned Kelly Gale, on May 14.

On June 4, Ingrid Seynhaeve welcomed Georgia Gibbs. No sign of Georgia making a return appearance this year.

And finally, we have a week where neither the birthday girl nor the calendar girl is a one-hit wonder. Gigi Hadid (2014, 15, 16) and Kathy Ireland (1984, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, deep breath 96).

Fly Chicks

Apparently, January 5 is National Bird Day.

So here’s a Robin, a Robyn, a Ren, a Renn, and a Raven.

See? There's more to this blog than just boobies.

Models Named in Suit

Seven years ago, SI made (nearly) all of the models wear gold necklaces bearing their names.

In 2016, they got out the label maker again, this time in the form of black one-piece swimsuits and only for the rookies.

They took a break from that in 2017, but this year they’re back: rookies with their names emblazoned proudly across their silver, black, or pink one-piecers.

I think it’s pretty sexy that they have their names on their suits. It’s like they’ve all been categorized and displayed for my inspection.

Happy One-Piece Wednesday.