Two-Pièce de Résistance: Jarah Mariano, 2008

Jarah is an unsung hero of the swimsuit issue.

Photo: Stewart Shining

This was her rookie year of two years in the magazine. She’s breathtaking.

I think she’s got a following of her own. I know she’s done some Victoria’s Secret and maybe a few lad rags? But she should be more exalted in SI than she is.

I put her at the halfway point of my top-50 ranking of swimsuit models back in 2013, but it’s still a pleasant surprise when I see her. “Oh right! Jarah Mariano!”

This photo is just so … pretty.

Everything about it is very feminine. Pink bikini, not too modest but not overly skimpy, with a sparkly design. A fragrant-looking lei draped around her neck. An elegant, curvy pose, soft smile, wisps of hair caressed by the breeze.

I once declared that this photo could have been a cover. In fact, I think it’s a much better image than Marisa’s cover that year. She even angles her head and upper body as if to accommodate the Sports Illustrated title across the top.

Hazmat — Will Travel

Naomi Campbell went all out trying to protect herself during a recent flight.

Here she is in a more flattering outfit.

But please heed this PSA brought to you by the ladies of the 2009 swimsuit issue:

Don’t.

Touch.

Your.

Face. 

(Especially on the MTA, Damaris!)

Anyway, the 2020 issue is taking shape, and maybe it will provide a nice respite from the nationwide quarantine in a couple months. Watch this space.

Thumb-Hook Thursday: Jarah Mariano, 2009

Jarah demonstrates the art of the thumb-hook: top and bottom.

Blanket Statements

I’ve agonized in the past about whether the swimsuit issue has gotten too overtly sexual.

Mainly, the thoughts have centered around nudity and body parts. But I just realized something more subtle: bikini models in bed.

It’s a whole subgenre. Rebecca Romijn might have been the first specimen, back in 1999.

Fast forward to 2006, and we have Molly, Yesica, and Noemie lounging around in their hotel beds giving you their best “come hithers.”

The girls find themselves in deserts and museums, Russian palaces and college football fields, all sorts of places where swimsuits don’t really have a practical purpose.

But beds … I mean, this is about sex, right? You’re being invited to imagine that you and the model are vacationing together and getting ready to head out to the pool or the beach but suddenly have a mood sweep over you so maybe the pool can wait.

These are hotel rooms, so they could conceivably be anywhere in the world. Quick: Which exotic locales are Jessica, Melissa, and Esti in?

Hint: It doesn’t matter. They might as well be in a nice Best Western in Des Moines.

I’m not complaining. In fact, it’s kind of awesome.

Sweet dreams.

Headless Body in Topless Photo

An interesting trend I noticed this year is headless bodies.

(Wait, that sounded morbid.)

Generally in SI pics, even though the focus is clearly on a model’s body, her face is at least in the frame. Or if not her face, at least the back of her head as she gazes off at a distant volcano or something. The exceptions are the “boobcam”/“buttcam” preview shots that the crew sends out all year:

Kate Bock on the boobcam.

Irina Shayk on the buttcam.

…and every once in a blue moon a pic like this one of Heidi Klum.

But several models are featured in 2016 where we couldn’t apprise the eye makeup or hair styling even if we wanted to.

We get the torsos of Hailey Clauson, Hannah Ferguson, and Sofia Resing:

The butts of Chanel Iman, Hannah Ferguson, and Lily Aldridge:

And the, um, Zanzibar of Chrissy Teigen:

I’m torn, because of my usual need to imagine that the swimsuit issue is at least partly about faces and personalities and individuals, not just bodies. On the other hand, these are some great bodies.

• • •

Speaking of Sofia, I think she’s my Rookie of the Year. A gorgeous and vivacious Brazilian. Watch her videos and try not to fall in love with her.

• • •

As for the model search: Can we please keep all six of the entrants?

If not, my preferences are the breathtaking Caroline Kelley and Ebonee Davis.

Caroline gives great hammock.

And I love how Ebonee decided to channel Jarah Mariano:

• • •

Looking from the future to the past, Elle Macpherson got the inaugural Jule Campbell Award. This calls for a massive collection of high-quality, never-before-seen photos of her, right?

I miss when Swim Daily was a regular source of newly unearthed pics and fun writing. Lately it’s just been snake-eating-its-tail links back to the current year’s photos with the occasional tidbit of gossip or upcoming TV appearances. Kelsey Hendrix? Xandria James? Whoever’s on staff over there? I would be happy to wade through all your Elle photos, if you’d just let me in that vault.

Happy Birthday, Jarah Mariano

There really should be more photos of Jarah on this blog.

And everywhere, for that matter.

Happy 29th.

Topless Tuesday: Jarah Mariano, 2009

Gorgeous.