Thumb-Hook Thursday: Genevieve Morton, 2014

Genevieve takes her thumbs to the top deck.

Surfboard Addendum

By the way, once upon a time Quiksilver created surfboards with SI models printed directly on them. No idea if they were ever available for the everyday beach bum.

I’m sure there’s a “perfect 10”/“hang 10” pun to be made here. I leave it to you to complete it.

ROTY Revisited: 2010, 2011

Given her mysterious absence, maybe Alexis Ren should not have gotten 2018 Rookie of the Year.

For that matter, how good have SI’s choices been in the (apparently) nine years they’ve bestowed that title?

2010: Who won?
Chrissy Teigen.

Who should have won?
It’s hard to argue with Chrissy Teigen. She had longevity (8 years) and went on to become a celebrity in her own right. She’s a rare SI model who’s become a household name outside of the SI swimsuit superfan world. She embraced and enhanced the SI brand.

Genevieve Morton might be my runner-up.

She had 6 years of her own, and she seemed to love being swimsuited (and naked).

• • •

2011: Who won?
Kate Upton.

Who should have won?
Kate Upton. Obviously.

For sheer star-power and sex appeal, Kate Upton is a no-brainer. Chrissy has her fingers in a lot of pies (Twitter/cooking/celeb marriage), but Kate’s the last SI model who (I believe) has reached her fame specifically as an SI model.

Runner-up? Well, I have my weak spot for Kenza Fourati.

But Kate Upton is a no-brainer.


So, after the better part of a decade has gone by, we see that the first couple years of ROTY selection were batting a thousand. Will that streak continue?

Thumb-Hook Thursday: Genevieve Morton, 2014 and 2015

Genevieve is here to prove that a thumb-hook doesn't have to be applied to the bikini bottom...

...but it's always great if it is.

Gen Nude Sais Quoi

By the way, I’m assuming you’ve picked up a copy of Genevieve Morton’s nude 2017 calendar?

She’s holding both halves of a bikini, so this counts as a swimsuit photo.

They’re some of the best photos I’ve seen of her. I’m not sure SI ever captured her this beautifully. And her nakedness raised money for the Foundation for Breast & Prostate Health, so never tell me my obsession with swimsuit models isn’t altruistic.

I’ve always had this feeling that Genevieve just loves being naked. I’m not going to steer her away from that.

In Memoriam

Farewell to the five non-rookies who did not return for 2016.

Emily Ratajkowski

I was surprised she came back for a second year, so I’m not surprised she didn’t reappear for 2016. She was always good for some sexy shots. But something ineffable kept her from “feeling” like an SI girl to me.

• • •

Sara Sampaio

This one hurts. Sara was easily one of my favorite models from the last two years. Beautiful eyes, magnificent body. Her time is over way too soon. I hope against hope SI isn’t done with her permanently; it’s rare but not unheard of for a model to take a year or two off, then return.

• • •

Ariel Meredith

For example: Ariel first appeared in 2009, then returned in 2012. I thought she had a great run, with 2012 and 2014 especially yielding some of my favorite pictures from the last few years.

• • •

Genevieve Morton

She was one of the longest-serving models and had become a reliable staple. She had a fun, kewpie doll presence she brought to the magazine, and it almost feels incomplete without her.

• • •

Jessica Gomes

Jessica spent some time as my favorite model in SI. She gave us eight magnificent years, and the swimsuit issue has a Gomes-shaped hole in it.

Hooked on a Feline

Today's animal entry: big cats.

 Come on, Noemie. I'm not sure we can allow a lion sweatshirt.

That tiger is clearly fake. If you can't do better, I'm going to have to ask you to—

Touché.

Topless Tuesday: Genevieve Morton, 2013, 2014, 2015

Of course, I couldn't say goodbye to Topless Tuesday without honoring Genevieve Morton, the inspiration for it all.

The Implications of Skimpification

Here’s a BBC article on the historical shrinking of swimwear, in conjunction with an exhibit at the Fashion and Textile Museum.

I don't care how much fabric is in those suits. These are sexy photos.

• • •

I’ve been contemplating why girls in swimsuits are sexier to me than girls in lingerie. I think I’ve stumbled upon something.

A bikini and a bra/panties combo are strikingly similar. They’re the same size and the same shape, and they cover the exact same areas of a woman’s body. But there’s a philosophical difference.

Lingerie is something a woman strips down to. A bikini is the outfit she puts on. The nearly identical articles of clothing are arrived at from opposite directions.

There’s something secretive about lingerie. In real life, seeing a woman dressed like that means she’s choosing to reveal herself to you in an intimate setting. (Which, make no mistake, is mind-blowingly sexy.)

But a swimsuit is worn publicly. The same amount of skin is shown, but there’s an air of “no big deal, I’m just swimming” about a bikini. I’m not sure I’ve put my finger on it, but it might be that the same level of sexuality is given a fun, everyday, celebratory personality to it.

It might account for that sense of “innocence” I have about the swimsuit issue that gets scandalized whenever a more overtly sexual approach pops up.

PSA: This shouldn’t need to be said, but I’ll say it: Don’t gawk at swimsuit-clad women in public places. It’s a different situation. The models in SI are tacitly inviting your eyes. Women at the pool are minding their own business. Sure: glance, notice. But don’t be a freaking creep.

This is important to me, because I want a world where respecting women and finding them hot are not presumed to be mutually exclusive. And I never want a woman to regret wearing a bikini.

There was a Tumblr blog, now sadly gone, called Fuck Yeah Swimsuit Models. It featured an SI photo per day, sometimes with commentary. I noticed some of the photos were tagged “classic.” I assumed this referred to photos from a certain bygone golden era of the magazine, or possibly to photos the person running the blog particularly liked.

But then I noticed the blog included a definition of the term “classic.” Thanks to the Internet Archive Wayback Machine, I can share this definition with you:

Classic, as a tag on this blog, refers to a very specific kind of shot: the model is wearing (all of) a real bikini, on a sunny beach. It’s just the original, simple premise of the swimsuit issue itself, no gimmicks or partially-disrobed women. Another way to look at it: classic shots are straightforward enough that they could actually be used by a viewer to judge the swimsuit itself. (As if anyone would ever try to do that.)

Tori Praver, would you demonstrate?

NOT CLASSIC: Missing a top.

NOT CLASSIC: Missing a bottom.

NOT CLASSIC: Missing a beach.

NOT CLASSIC: The suit is a lie.

Classic.

There you have it. The swimsuit, as it appears in the wild.