Underboob Monday: Scissor Sisters

I wish I had a photo of this top in the process of being snipped ...

... so I could make a triptych with these other two t-shirts getting cut down to size.

But as far as I know, that action shot doesn't exist. So here's Kate Upton in Esquire from 7 years ago.

A New Sampaio in Town

Wow, bombshell.

This was rumored a bit, but I wasn’t sure if it would happen. The latest reveal is Valentina Sampaio, a prominent trans model.

I gotta say, she looks … really hot.

When I first heard the idea floated out there that a trans woman might appear in SI (at first, some people said it derisively, as in “What will the virtue-signaling woke warriors force on us next???”) I wondered how I’d react to such a thing.

I’m a firm believer that trans women are women. (And trans men, men.) But this is a moment where the rubber hits the road: a trans model in my girlie mag.

Well, she’s gorgeous. I find myself studying her face, and sometimes there’s a flash of what she might look like as a man. But it’s true that the most gorgeous people have a bit of androgyny to their faces. Even Sara, my other Sampaio, has facial features that could be seen as masculine in some photos.

Thick eyebrows, strong jawline, direct gaze.

She’d make a hot guy, let’s be honest.

Maybe it’s the result of years of gender-switching Instagram filters, but I think we’re all used to seeing the fluidity of secondary sex characteristics.

Plus, the swimsuit issue is fantasy. It’s makeup and poses and visual cues. As the end result, what are we looking at? A beautiful person. A gorgeous body.

I was reminded of a photoshoot of Cindy Crawford during her heyday. I think it was for Esquire or Details? In any case, she dressed as a man, complete with stubble, and she looked quite handsome. Kind of like George Michael. I think this is a photo from that shoot.

Anyway, I’m not sure I’m processing this in the most progressive or respectful way — I don’t want to imply that trans women have to look like supermodels to be acceptable. Bottom line is, Valentina is a woman, not a man dressed as a woman, and I think she’s set to be one of the most beautiful models this year.

Pestova, Passed Over

Stumbled upon the website of Michael Reinhardt, a photographer who shot for the 1995 swimsuit issue. He features a couple of shots of Daniela Pestova that are alternate poses for photos from that year.

I’m a big fan of heretofore unknown photos of swimsuits I’m familiar with.

He also has a few non-swimsuit magazine shots of some of our favorite girls. He lumps all of these under the category “vintage,” which is another great reminder that I’m old.

One-Piece Wednesday: Olivia Jordan

For this week's near-miss model search girl, we dive into a more recent contest. Just last year.

My (incorrect) prediction for the winner was this luxurious blonde, who it turns out was Miss USA 2015.

I assumed she was a bit of a shoo-in, but it was not to be.

So here she is, modeling a couple nice one-piecers for La Isla swimwear...

...and exploiting that unbeatable combo of beach + blonde + red one-piece for something called Kid Dangerous. As far as I can tell, Kid Dangerous is a men's t-shirt company, but I will not look a gift horse in the red one-piece.

And well, I couldn't help but also include this photo of Olivia in this bonkers dress, apparently the thing to wear when you're Miss USA attending some kind of Maxim event.

One-Piece Wednesday: Catrinel Menghia

Another model search contestant from 2011, Catrinel had a bit of a following. But alas, she did not join us in 2012.

Here she is in some lovely shots from the Romanian magazine "The One."

One-Piece Wednesday: Megan Williams

Another Wednesday, another 2016 also-ran. This time, slender Brit model Megan Williams shows us a couple one-piecers for GQ Italy:

...and Agua Bendita swimwear:

...and this, which might be for Guess, but who knows?

One-Piece Wednesday: Daniela Lopez

Continuing my One-Piece Wednesday exploration of model-search girls who might have been, I turn once again to Daniela Lopez, that callipygian Colombian I've lauded on these pages before.

Here she is putting that magnificent posterior to good use in some one-piecers for a Galore shoot.

She gives good sleeve.

Sanders on the Beach

So the new SI rookie is Jasmine Sanders, and I’m holding all of you accountable for not telling me that Noemie Lenoir and Ana Beatriz Barros had a kid.

These photos are from her appearance in treats! magazine from 2015, and they've whetted my appetite for 2019.

Heck, she might even be a good replacement in my heart for my dearly departed Rose Bertram.

Get a High-Cut, Hippy!

I feel I’ve droned on a bit about the high-cut swimsuits of the 80s and how they shaped my interest in the female body. But I’m impressed with how well 2018 has been infused with that decade.

It’s not just the cut of the suits. It’s the color schemes, patterns, accessories — maybe even the type of posing. I don’t know enough about modeling or photography to delve into the secret sauce, but I get a deep stirring of déjà vu at how well they invoke the decade I discovered the swimsuit issue.

These shots of Vita and Kate look for all the world like posters I might have hung in my bedroom in 1987.

And Hailey in this dream of neon yellow and grape-candy purple and retro roller skates makes me feel like I’m in seventh grade again.

But yeah, that high-cut thigh. Rookie Chase Carter even touches on it a bit in her Uncovered video. (She also makes a point of name-dropping Elle Macpherson, so that earns her additional points with me.)

I like Chase. She strikes me as a cuter Hannah Davis.

She also gives us this year's top-but-no-bottom entry.

Anyway, it’s high-cut heaven. And some girls seem determined to go above and beyond. There’s a lot of grabbing the hips and pulling skyward, as if to say “You want to see an acute angle? I’ll show you an acute angle!”

This Vogue article from last summer suggests this isn’t just pastiche. We might be in the midst of a legitimate reinvigoration of this cut. (A few familiar SI faces and bodies pop up in that article.)

Count me in.