Underboob Monday: Hannah Ferguson, 2017

The year was 2017, and Sports Illustrated was in the midst of the Great Re-Nippling. Hannah Ferguson stepped forth in this might-as-well-not-wear-it-at-all mesh top, a garment that would never have survived un-photoshopped just a few years earlier.

But apparently the crew decided there was still a little too much left to the imagination, so they gave the top the Jessica Hart “wild sexy bikini” treatment …

… making Hannah eligible for her first Underboob Monday.

Thank you, Hannah.

Free-Hip Friday: Barbara Palvin, 2019

I mentioned that there weren’t a lot of freed hips in the 2019 issue.

I submit the curious case of this Barbara Palvin one-piece.

It reveals the whole side of her body, and the result is …

… kind of weird, to be honest. It’s an uncomfortable-looking slingshot effect.

It seems there’s a thin belt that is meant to be worn with it, and frankly the suit is much better looking with the belt attached.

I fancy myself a connoisseur of the one-piece, and part of my manifesto is that they are rarely improved by forced skimpification. If you want a bikini, get a bikini.

• • •

Kate Bock sports a similar style, a V that plunges down the body, starting at the breasts, with a belt to mark the halfway point of the journey.

I’m a big fan of a high-cut suit, but it’s possible to overdo it. Here, I think the back view suffers.

Kate is a slender model, and when the thong-style cut is too high, her, um, cheeks look elongated. A derrière like Kate’s needs a tighter frame to spotlight it.

Yes, like that!

• • •

Jasmine Sanders sports yet another swimsuit of this shape.

It just seems like a style that would look better on a curvier girl. Kate and Jasmine are quite petite.

But one thing the super-high-cut is good for is revealing the presence (or absence) of a tattoo along your inguinal crease. It’s there in Jasmine’s videos, but not her photos.

It’s evidence that the 2019 issue isn’t 100% natural after all.

Anyway, I guess I’m a fashion editor now.

Thumb-Hook Thursday: Kate Bock, 2019

A bit of a Twitter controversy! The Vancouver-based Daily Hive congratulated local girl Kate Bock on her fifth straight appearance in the swimsuit issue.

Kate clapped back, cordially and Canadianly.

 
Yep, seven years. The Julie Henderson Milestone, as it is known. This makes Kate the longest-serving current girl in these pages, just beating Sam Hoopes and her six years.

(And she gives good hammock.)

She’s a beautiful and reliable presence.

2018

2017

Can’t argue with those crystal eyes and turned-up nose and blonde locks.

2016

2015

Even at her sexiest, she’s super wholesome.

2014

2013

(Well, unless she’s beckoning for the handcuffs.)

Welcome back, Kate!

One-Piece Wednesday: Barbara Palvin, 2019

Speaking of girls who are batting a thousand but have, as yet, been denied the cover …

… Babs has given us four beautiful years.

I’m a fan of this shimmery number.

Topless Tuesday: Lais Ribeiro, 2019

We don’t deserve Lais Ribeiro.

She’s given us three years of exquisite swimsuit shots, and she’d have been a jewel in any SI era over the past five decades.

She should have a cover before she leaves us.

Bonus 2017 shot.

Underboob Monday: Anne de Paula, 2019

I've mentioned that Anne had a good 2019.

Her best shots might be these odes to nethercleavage.

I do enjoy a suspendered bikini bottom with a damp t-shirt. Echoes of Stephanie Seymour.

Free-Hip Friday: Camille Kostek, 2019

2019 has a surprising dearth of free hips. This shot of Camille is from the print edition, but not in her online photos.

I like Camille a lot. I’m not sure she’s “a star is born” caliber …

… but she has a warmly sultry face and some killer curves. And she’s mastered this sexy, slouchy, hips-forward posing that suits her very well.

But SI …

… I’ve asked you politely, and I’ve asked you repeatedly, please …

… please …

… please …

… find another place for your logo.

Thumb-Hook Thursday: Olivia Brower, 2019

From 1964 to 2017, there were zero Olivias in the swimsuit issue. In the last two years, there have been three.

Culpo and Jordan arrived last year, and this year they added Brower.

Two of those Olivias are pageant winners.

The third Olivia is a sweet, kinda baby-faced rookie…

…who, in the above photo, flash-reminded me of Tori Praver from 2008 (eleven years ago!).

Anyway, Olivia is a great name. Here’s to more Olivias!

Olivia Jordan in thumb-hook tholidarity

One-Piece Wednesday: Olivia Culpo, 2019

Last year, I mentioned I wanted to see Olivia Culpo, who had only done a nude “In Her Own Words” shoot, in an actual swimsuit.

Got my wish this year, and I’m pleased with the result.

She has a great bod for one-piecers.

In researching Olivia just now (she’s Italian and Irish! she’s the first Rhode Islander to be named Miss Universe! she has a street in Cranston named after her!), I found out that the 2019 swimsuit issue was released on her 27th birthday! So happy belated, Olivia Culpo.