Blanket Statements

I’ve agonized in the past about whether the swimsuit issue has gotten too overtly sexual.

Mainly, the thoughts have centered around nudity and body parts. But I just realized something more subtle: bikini models in bed.

It’s a whole subgenre. Rebecca Romijn might have been the first specimen, back in 1999.

Fast forward to 2006, and we have Molly, Yesica, and Noemie lounging around in their hotel beds giving you their best “come hithers.”

The girls find themselves in deserts and museums, Russian palaces and college football fields, all sorts of places where swimsuits don’t really have a practical purpose.

But beds … I mean, this is about sex, right? You’re being invited to imagine that you and the model are vacationing together and getting ready to head out to the pool or the beach but suddenly have a mood sweep over you so maybe the pool can wait.

These are hotel rooms, so they could conceivably be anywhere in the world. Quick: Which exotic locales are Jessica, Melissa, and Esti in?

Hint: It doesn’t matter. They might as well be in a nice Best Western in Des Moines.

I’m not complaining. In fact, it’s kind of awesome.

Sweet dreams.

Hooked on a Feline

Today's animal entry: big cats.

 Come on, Noemie. I'm not sure we can allow a lion sweatshirt.

That tiger is clearly fake. If you can't do better, I'm going to have to ask you to—

Touché.

Topless Tapas Tuesday

It's my last Topless Tuesday, and I'm in the mood for a sampler platter.

One-Piece Wednesday: Noemie Lenoir, 2005

Sorry posting has been sparse this month. Real life has gotten busy.

You could say I've been underwater.

White Swimsuit Week, 2013: Part Six

Noemie Lenoir, 2000.

50 Greatest Swimsuit Models, #30-21

I've gone back over the last two entries and added explanations, defenses, and flailing justifications.

30: Kim Cloutier

Oh, how I wish she had a few more years with SI.

29: Jessica White

A lot has been made of Anne V, but Jessica quietly put together 8 appearances (with a break in 2006). It would have been nice to see her follow Tyra and become only the second (non-Beyonce) black woman to appear on the cover.

28: Lujan Fernandez

27: Kenza Fourati

I feel like I may be the president, secretary, and treasurer of the Kenza Fourati Fan Club. Not sure she made much of an impression on anyone else, but I'm still obsessed with her, two years later.

26: Jarah Mariano

25: Fernanda Motta

24: Stephanie Seymour

23: Noemie Lenoir

22: Angie Everhart

Cintia Dicker has a lot of buzz among swimsuit fans, but Angie's the SI redhead I would choose if I could only have one.

21: Marisa Miller

I had a bit of a conversion a couple years ago and became a fan. I think she might have reignited the idea of a household-name SI girl.

Countdown: 6 Days to Go

Six days away, and Noemie Lenoir has already cracked open the Champagne.

2000, 2001, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006

It’s also One-Piece Wednesday, let’s not forget about that.

And by the way, a rookie rumor started floating around about a month ago concerning one Hannah Davis. I thought I’d posted about it before, but it turns out I haven’t, possibly because the rumor seemed a little shaky.

(Google the phrase “Hannah Davis Sports Illustrated,” and you’ll see the story sprout from “Hannah may be in the 2013 swimsuit issue,” to “Hannah will be on the cover!!”)

Anyway, this is her.

The sleuths at Bellazon seem pretty confident of Hannah’s presence, as well as that of Natasha Barnard (whom I mentioned in October), and someone named Kate Bock.

For the record, here’s Miss Bock.

The closing image of the video I posted yesterday seems to indicate four rookies.

So are we safe in declaring: DiDonato, Davis, Barnard, Bock? Stay tuned.