Handicapping the 2011 Cover Girl Candidates, Part Four

Second Runner Up: Jessica Gomes
It’s prediction time. Coming in at third place is the lovely Jessica Gomes.

I may be blinded by personal preferences; I love Jessica Gomes. She’s my current favorite SI model. I thought I saw something special about her in her 2008 debut:
Those hypnotic curves and gentle, piercing gaze. 2009 confirmed it:
She’s magnificent. Her placid, luxurious sexiness lifts her above even the surrounding sea of scantily clad beauties.

I am not alone in this opinion. At some point last year, M.J. Day tweeted about some kid who wrote a song about her, which resulted in some notoriety around the SI swimsuit community. Some sample lyrics:

One day
In my room
I watched videos on YouTube
This girl came in the first page
It startled me how cute she is
Oh, woah, woah
I was wondering
Who is she?
And then I tried to Google her
Right away
Oh I found it
What a cute girl
Oh, woah, woah
Jessica Gomes

Okay, so it’s not Beatrice and Dante. But until Jessica starts posting comments on this blog, the kid has one up on me.

When I began reading M.J. Day’s Twitter feed back in late 2009, and she related tantalizing 140-character missives from behind the scenes of what would be the 2010 issue, I panicked a little, because she never mentioned Jessica. Would they withhold her just as she became the girl I most looked forward to?

The 2010 issue arrived, and to my relief, it contained Jessica:
But the fact that she wasn’t mentioned (I believe Brooklyn Decker, Julie Henderson, Daniella Sarahyba, and/or Irina Shayk all were) made me wonder how hard she cultivates her public image. Her Twitter feed, sadly, is private. I worry that her relative lack of fame might be an obstacle between her and the cover.

But if I ran the place, she’d be the 2011 cover girl. I mean, tell me this girl wouldn’t sell some magazines:

Handicapping the 2011 Cover Girl Candidates, Part Three

2010: No Sleep Till BrooklynI’m really starting to like Brooklyn Decker.

She’s a magnificent curvy blonde. She’s got a distinctly all-American look and attitude to her pictures. She also seems like a smart, nice, well spoken, funny person. (Check out her Twitter feed—she seems to have something going on besides her rockin’ body.)

And it is a rockin’ body, make no mistake. I like this cover quite a bit. It might be a classic. I love the colors, I love the straight-on smiley-ness of it. Brooklyn was quoted in one of the preview videos from 2010, “We’re kind of channeling, like I said, that whole 70s, 80s sort of really happy, sunny feeling. And it’s very different for SI, you know, usually it’s very full-on sexy, and this year it’s a lot more subtle, and I think that’s really nice.” (Said the girl in the topless bikini on the cover.)

Is she speaking from experience of the 70s and 80s?

She is not. Brooklyn was born in April of 1987.

You know what else I love? Her hips. Brooklyn has magnificent hips. Especially when they’re photographed head-on like this. Shall we indulge in a gallery of Brooklyn Decker’s hips?
There’s a wonderful flat expanse between those hips. This is a curvy blonde.

2010 is Brooklyn’s fifth year in the magazine, and I have to admit, she took a while to grow on me. In her early pictures, I found her face a little pinched, a little petulant.
2006
2007
2008
But she’s developed nicely, and I think she’s stunning.

She was becoming something of a household name, partly from being Andy Roddick’s bride, but also with plenty of star power of her own. It may have been my brilliant insight, or it may just have been SI’s blatant positioning of her, but I had a feeling they were banking on her. She was a pretty easy pick for the cover. Much more warmth and approachability than either of her predecessors, Bar or Marisa.

If I have a complaint about the cover, it’s that there’s not enough swimsuit in it. Her top is visible, but draped over her shoulder like an afterthought.* Her bottom is partially submerged. There aren’t many square inches in a bikini to begin with, and that is cut down further for this cover.

Like I said, I like this cover. But what other 2010 Brooklyn shots might have done well?

Beautiful, sunshiny, and cleavage to spare, Could use more smile.

Another excellent candidate. I definitely get a sugary sunshine, Captain and Tennille vibe. Good hip action as well, though the hips are always emphasized more when the legs are together.

This would have been unique, in that it’s subdued, almost candid. The harsh angle of the light would make it a very interesting choice. And those million-dollar hips!

Soon I’ll register my prediction for the 2011 cover girl. There’s no real rush, but the sooner I set it in writing, the more of a fool I will look like come February.

*TRIVIA: Did you know that there have only been only 5 topless covers, and they were all since the year 2000? Daniela Pestova (2000), Veronica Varekova (2004), All-Star Cover Models (2006), Marisa Miller (2008), and Brooklyn in 2010. Meaning Daniela and Veronica have done it twice. Thank you, ladies.

Handicapping the 2011 Cover Girl Candidates, Part Two

2009: Raising the Bar
I heard an interesting rumor that Bar Refaeli was supposed to be on the 2008 cover, but she bragged about it too soon, before it was to be made public. So to send her a message, SI bumped her and used Marisa Miller instead.

If true, this would have blown my 2008 prediction away. Plus, it would have robbed the world of ever seeing Marisa on the cover.

I have no idea if it’s true. But by the time 2009 was rolling along, I figured Bar was an excellent candidate. She’d graced the pages with her otherworldly beauty for two years, in ’07 and ’08.


Look at her. Fresh face, turned-up nose, a sprinkling of freckles, but sardonic eyes and perpetually parted lips. She looks like the girl you couldn’t bring yourself to talk to in college.

Those two promising issues, plus the fact that she was gaining notoriety as Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend, so name recognition was growing.

When the cover arrived, it was a disappointment. There’s something accidental about it, not in an alluring or candid way, but in a way that suggests she was between poses. It’s as if he hadn’t decided whether she wanted to level her gaze at the camera or look away demurely, whether to pull her legs femininely together or stand with them defiantly apart.

Is she flirtatiously threatening to remove her bikini bottom, or just adjusting it, unaware that the camera’s going to click?

I feel like I’m being a little harsh. But I think Bar Refaeli is capable of looking exquisite, and I would have expected a cover shot of hers to take its place in the pantheon of great covers. Were there other 2009 shots of Bar that might have been more alluring for the cover? I thought you’d never ask.

Much better body shot of the same suit, but a lot is lost in the face. It almost doesn’t look like her.


This one is very cute and sunny, and a characteristic Bar face. And it would have been one of the few truly butt-centric cover shots in swimsuit issue history. But the top looks like she was attacked with silly string during a child’s birthday party, and is probably too risqué.


Awesome body shot. But the face is a little zombie-fied. And the indoor setting doesn’t look like an SI cover.


Gracious. Yes. This should have been the cover. (Though the dogtag-like necklace is a little ironic. ) I may need to go restart my heart.

Handicapping the 2011 Cover Girl Candidates, Part One

I mentioned in my first post how I’d successfully predicted the last three cover girls. Perhaps it’s time I put my money where my mouth is. I’m going to try to guess who 2011 will bring us.

First, the last three years.


2008: Miller Time This was a bit of a no-brainer. Marisa doesn’t do much for me personally (she’s hot, sure, but a bit of a cookie-cutter blonde). However, she’s insanely popular. It’s kind of surprising that she didn’t get the cover sooner, although the stunt covers of 2006 and 2007 may have pushed her back.

I predicted her in 2008 because I figured they couldn’t let a bona fide SI star fade before they put her on the cover, and I was right. Not only about the cover, but about the fade; it was (to date) her last swimsuit appearance.

It’s not an iconic cover, in my opinion. The facial expression is kind of bland and straightforward. The pose feels awkward, like she’s a little self-conscious and green, instead of a seven-year swimsuit issue veteran. The hip is thrust out, but kind of lazily. The arm is on the head, but somehow I don’t believe her. And she’s got that thumb-in-the-bikini-bottom thing that I kind of like but kind of wish SI wouldn’t rely on so often.

And the suit itself looks like it was knit for Etsy.

It is not, as this site claims, the same pose as 2000’s cover.Eerily similar outfits and settings, yes, but very different poses. I prefer Daniela’s pose (that, ladies, is how you thrust out a hip), though not her facial expression, which is even more lifeless than Marisa’s.

I flipped through some other Marisa pics from 2008, to see if there are any other shots that I felt would have made better covers.This one is hot, but it seems wrong for a cover, somehow. Maybe it’s the hat. It makes her look like she’s role-playing or something. (This is the only hat ever to appear on a swimsuit issue cover.)


This one is gorgeous, but maybe a little too overtly sexual for a cover.


This would have made an excellent cover, I think. It’s a much more dynamic pose and facial expression. And you still get to be risqué with the breasts, but a loosened top feels less gratuitous than a couple of delicately perched strands of beads.


This would have been my second choice. The previous one might be a bit lascivious, and this one is more wholesome. She’s still leveling her gaze at the camera, but the effect is warmer.

So there you have it, SI. I await your call as a cover consultant.

Swimsuits Are Why Summer Exists

In celebration of the first full day of summer, get active. Go windsurfing. Jenna de Rosnay, 1986
Play some beach volleyball. Gabrielle Reece, 1997
Grab your board. Veronica Varekova, 2007
Get out the pool toys. Ana Beatriz Barros, 2003
Or just, you know, lounge around the beach. Christie Brinkley, 1975
Enjoy it. It’s going to be cold by the time the next swimsuit issue arrives. Vendela and Ashley Richardson, 1993

Striking Poses

I know there are only so many ways you can twist the female body, but this is uncanny.

Brooklyn Decker, 2009 • • • • Brooklyn Decker, 2010

Big Bottoms

I’m a fan of bikini bottoms. Cute little high-wasted triangles of fabric that, for obvious reasons, you have to be female to wear. The V-shape really does something for me.

Jessica Gomes from 2009, would you care to demonstrate?Based on that, you’d think I’d be in a bit of a panic over a trend I noticed in the 2010 issue. Big bikini bottoms. Jessica Gomes from 2010, show them what I mean.
This isn’t even the biggest one by far. 2010 gave us pic after pic of models sporting bikini bottoms containing enough fabric to make two bikinis.Bar Refaeli

Jessica White

Julie Henderson

Brooklyn DeckerPelvis after pelvis, wallpapered. Is this a fashion trend? After years of seeing swimsuits slowly shrink, melting away from women’s bodies and exposing more and more square inches of skin, has some cabal of evil fashion designers decided that bikini bottoms have to retake their lost territory—and more? Sports Illustrated must have some significant links to the fashion world, and the swimsuit issue would be a place where a trend like that would be revealed to the general public.

I mean, look at this picture of Irina Shayk.That is the biggest bikini bottom I have ever seen in my life. Yards and yards of fabric encase her body from her upper thighs to her ribcage.

But you know what? She rocks it.

Seriously, this pic of Irina may be one of the greatest SI swimsuit pics of all time. I don’t know why it works. It’s like the suit has been beamed in from the 40s, yet it doesn’t seem stodgy.

That’s true throughout the magazine. What should strike me as looking like glorified granny panties are actually striking me as pretty sexy. Somehow, the bottoms emphasize the landscapes of the bodies a lot more intoxicatingly than skimpier ones would.

Of course, you could put these models in anything, and they’ll still look amazing. Maybe it’s as simple as that. And maybe it’s just a matter of variety. Bikini bottoms can’t get any smaller, so there’s nowhere to go but bigger.

I’m not ready to give up the tiny bottoms entirely, though. Luckily, I don’t think I’ll have to.

Jessica?