Topless Tuesday: Kate Upton, 2018

Kate remains the undulating blonde bombshell she was created to be.

In Memoriam

I’m planning a lawsuit against Sports Illustrated.

A few months ago, I mapped out my ideal 2018 swimsuit issue. It included eight 2017 models I’d have loved to see come back.

SI got rid of three of them.

It’s very tough to lose Bo Krsmanovic, Hannah Ferguson, and Rose Bertram. I feel like there must be intolerable cruelty or breach of contract or some legal concept I can use to get those girls back.

Anyway, let’s survey the damage.

Bo Krsmanovic

I could have seen Bojana come back over and over again for years. This dark, Serbian beauty had a lot more swimsuit in her.

• • •

Rose Bertram

I’m even more torn up by the loss of this cute, bubbly, buxom young woman.

• • •

Hannah Ferguson

And the centerpiece. Hannah F was a sleek, blonde bombshell, and I can’t believe she’s gone.

• • •

Hannah Davis

Hannah D (or Hannah J if you prefer) was a staple and will be missed. Though as I’ve mentioned before, I think we have a good replacement in Chase Carter.

• • •

Nina Agdal

It was a respectable run for Nina! Six years. Looking at her photos, it’s clear how the Photoshop waxed and waned. (Look how Vaseline-smeared her 2013 shot is.)

• • •

Chrissy Teigen

And this is the end of an era. Chrissy was the last remaining model who was active when this blog had its first post on June 1, 2010. The turnover is complete

Thumb-Hook Thursday: Georgia Gibbs, 2018

The lovely Australian rookie shows us a couple textbook thumb-hooks.

Models Named in Suit

Seven years ago, SI made (nearly) all of the models wear gold necklaces bearing their names.

In 2016, they got out the label maker again, this time in the form of black one-piece swimsuits and only for the rookies.

They took a break from that in 2017, but this year they’re back: rookies with their names emblazoned proudly across their silver, black, or pink one-piecers.

I think it’s pretty sexy that they have their names on their suits. It’s like they’ve all been categorized and displayed for my inspection.

Happy One-Piece Wednesday.

Topless Tuesday: Raven Lyn, 2018

My most anticipated rookie of 2018 does not disappoint. She's quite beautiful.

Lips, eyes, freckles. I already want her back in 2019.

Get a High-Cut, Hippy!

I feel I’ve droned on a bit about the high-cut swimsuits of the 80s and how they shaped my interest in the female body. But I’m impressed with how well 2018 has been infused with that decade.

It’s not just the cut of the suits. It’s the color schemes, patterns, accessories — maybe even the type of posing. I don’t know enough about modeling or photography to delve into the secret sauce, but I get a deep stirring of déjà vu at how well they invoke the decade I discovered the swimsuit issue.

These shots of Vita and Kate look for all the world like posters I might have hung in my bedroom in 1987.

And Hailey in this dream of neon yellow and grape-candy purple and retro roller skates makes me feel like I’m in seventh grade again.

But yeah, that high-cut thigh. Rookie Chase Carter even touches on it a bit in her Uncovered video. (She also makes a point of name-dropping Elle Macpherson, so that earns her additional points with me.)

I like Chase. She strikes me as a cuter Hannah Davis.

She also gives us this year's top-but-no-bottom entry.

Anyway, it’s high-cut heaven. And some girls seem determined to go above and beyond. There’s a lot of grabbing the hips and pulling skyward, as if to say “You want to see an acute angle? I’ll show you an acute angle!”

This Vogue article from last summer suggests this isn’t just pastiche. We might be in the midst of a legitimate reinvigoration of this cut. (A few familiar SI faces and bodies pop up in that article.)

Count me in.

Ayers on the G-String

So, you can vote in the model search for another week or so.

This is one of those things where popular vote will be one of the deciding factors. The other factors are “editor’s choice” and “an evaluation of the contestant’s proven history as an SI Swimsuit brand ambassador” (which is probably another way of saying “editor’s choice”).

My prediction is that Olivia Jordan (one of two beautiful Olivias we’ve been graced with this year) will walk away with the popular vote. She’s the most conventionally hot.

But I have to say, I’m finding myself super into Allie Ayers.

She’s my latest pet obsession. I’m adding her to my “no one but me understands how hot she is” collection.

She’s got a Greta Gerwig vibe going on. She’s sexy in a deep, stirring, unusual way that I can’t quite put my finger on.

Plus, she's got that long torso and curvy hips...

Downright Dalbesian.

fig. 1

Anyway, I thought she was a rookie until pretty recently, so now I’m worried that the selection process is going to screw me out of ever seeing her again. SI, don’t mess this up for me. I see a lot of brand ambassador potential in Allie.