Topless Tuesday: Haley Kalil, 2019

A year or so ago, I expressed the opinion that 2018’s two Rookies of the Year were kind of indistinguishable from each other.

I take it back. Haley is a ravishing redhead who gives me some Angie Everhart vibes.

And do I see, dare I say, a touch of Julie Henderson, maybe?

Anyway, she’s gorgeous and befreckled. And there are a couple of shots that stuck out for their lack of photoshopping.

The textures and shadows on her hips…

…and the mild accordioning of her belly…

…strike me as areas that would have been smoothed out, sometimes embarrassingly so, in certain previous issues. The fact that they’re visible in these shots is in line with the magazine’s current mission to promote more honesty in the bodies on display.

Underboob Monday: Myla Dalbesio, 2017

Why not?

I need one more themed day to round out the week, and “und” rhymes with “mond,” so from now on we will kick off the week with that noblest of sights, the underboob.

Myla is perfect to host this inaugural Underboob Monday with this video from a couple years ago, in which she happily directs our attention to the underside of her cropped top.

What I've Seen of Twenty-Nineteen

A handful of quick takes.


Halima Aden looks gorgeous. But her photos seem like a fashion shoot for Elle or something.

It’s still a head-scratcher. I’m not sure what to do with my eyes.

Hailey Clauson’s photos are a bit of a letdown. She’s one of my current favorites, but this year she has a lot of awkward, unflattering poses in awkward, unflattering swimsuits.

This photo is, weirdly, one of her best this year, despite showing off none of her body. It’s her gorgeous face in an unguarded smile (I bet cradling a koala will do that for you).

Hailey has to come back next year. I don’t want this to be her last appearance.


Danielle Herrington, on the other hand, has a great year. I think she looks fantastic.

Though I’m not a fan of the “thin, vertical nipple strap extruding bipolar boob spillage” style. SI uses this type of top a LOT lately, especially on the more buxom ladies.

Too much, in my opinion.


Swimsuitologist favorite Myla Dalbesio looks great. Those eyes.

And she provides 2019’s one example that I’ve (so far) seen of the “all body, no head” genre of photos.

I briefly thought she gave us a “Same Suit, Different Babe” with Hannah Ferguson from a few years ago…

…but no, they are different suits from different designers.


Anne de Paula does indeed have a better year than last year. Some very nice photos.

But SI, once again, for at least the fifth time, decides to use Kenyans as human props.

What is it about Kenya??

Paulina: Back in the Arena

I’ve been scrolling through Paulina’s pics with a huge smile on my face.

It’s great to see her back in a bikini. And I think my nostalgia is compounded by the warmth she’s giving off in a lot of her photos.

I haven’t gotten too deep into this year’s offerings, but I think Paulina’s photos just seem more genuine and happy than a lot of the other models’.

And I remember her from the 80s as a lot more sultry, a lot less smiley. It’s like at fiftysomething she’s shed some of the artifice and is content to enjoy herself in the camera’s (and our) gaze.

One-Piece Wednesday: Tyra Banks, 2019

Surprise.

This one was successfully kept under wraps. Tyra Banks joins fellow historic cover girls Christie and Paulina as living legends who’ve returned.

I think she looks great, personally … though the posing is a little strange. A lot of bland, widespread leg action. Tilt your hips a little, maybe? Or cross one leg in front of the other?

Or maybe I shouldn’t tell Tyra Banks of all people how to model.

She also got one of (again) three covers.

Gotta say, new rookie Camille looks fantastic. Hers is my favorite of the three. But I’m bummed we didn’t get Babs or Lais or Hailey, who are my current Holy Trinity of SI.

I’m sure there’s a tidal wave of hot takes rolling in, so I’ll keep watching. I still haven’t seen the whole trove of photos.

Isn't There a Magazine or Something Coming Out Soon?

Tomorrow is Swimsuit Eve, and there's almost no sign of it. Even Swim Daily has been largely quiet. They've been doing a lot of "models in hammocks" and "models in blue" and "models in mesh" type of content. But not a lot of "models coming soon to a magazine stand hear you."

It's the wrong time of year, and what buzz there has been is mostly about "firsts" and "uniques" and "rethinkings." But not a whole lot of "get ready for an avalanche of impossibly beautiful women."

It doesn't seem like it's Swimsuit Week.

Anyway, here are Sara and Hannah, two girls I wish we were about to see more of.

Ah, my heart...

I'm curious about Wednesday. But it feels like a weird turn in the history of the magazine.

Hiptease: Erin Heatherton, 2015

Erin shows us how to free a hip, step ...

... by ...

... step.