Underboob Monday: Irina Shayk, 2014

I think the swimsuit issue comes out tomorrow. No?

Like last year, there hasn't been much hubbub, though they have been revealing a few models per weekday.

Halima is back.

Like last year, she looks beautiful. Also like last year, I'm not sure what to do with my eyes. Ogling feels out of place.

Though I guess she makes more sense when you see the magazine as the uncomfortable hybrid it's become: girlie mag for men, lifestyle mag for women.

Anyway, here's Irina.

Before the release takes all my attention, I thought I'd make sure Irina Shayk was nicely tied up with Kate Upton. With this post, they are at 73 appearances each, according to that menu to the right.

Fresh-Squeezed Fruit Friday: Barbara and Emily

Here are Barbara Palvin (2019) and Emily DiDonato (2016) showing a mango and an orange, respectively, no mercy on the beach.

For good measure, here are alternate shots of the girls actually eating the fruit. The methods, especially Emily's, are questionable...

Thumb-Hook Thursday: Danielle Herrington, 2020

The 2020 models keep rolling out. Here's Danielle in Wyoming.

No one ever said the thumb had to hook onto the suit!

Flower Patch Death Match

White, Ruffly Bikini on a Bed of Yellow Flowers: Who Wore It Better?

Kathy Ireland, 1986

Marisa Miller, 2004

Olivia Culpo, 2020

(The answer, obviously, is Kathy. But the others are lovely as well.)

One-Piece Wednesday: Jasmine Sanders, 2020

I love high-cut suits. And this is a high-cut suit.

The V goes all the way up to her breasts, revealing that they’ve once again edited out Jasmine’s pelvis tattoo. But the sharp angle is interrupted by the belts at waist level. Which is the right move.

Contrast that with this number on Olivia.

This is the kind of swimsuit I fantasized about creating when I was an adolescent. I figured, if I liked high-cut legs, the higher the better, right? A couple of straight lines leading down directly from the armpits. The sharpest angle you can get.

I’m a grownup now, and I recognize that this is too much. Maybe the sleeves could be removed and used as a couple of belts?

Anyway, I'm getting more and more into Jasmine. Those pale eyes are so striking.

Unfortunately, this might be another instance, like with Erin Heatherton, where SI doesn't quite capture the model as beautifully as she deserves. Here are some Victoria's Secret photos that I think elevate her beyond what we've seen from SI so far.

(They erase her tattoo too...)

Topless Tuesday: Kate Bock, 2020

This is a very pretty shot of Kate. The languid facial expression, the calm water lapping smoothly at her legs, the enticing way the bikini strap crests her hip.

It’s very relaxed. You can almost feel the warmth of her upper arm brushing against her breast.

Basic Black

The cover is out, and it’s another threesome.

Kate, Jasmine, and Olivia team up to usher in 2020, at long last.

It’s a solid cover. I like the stark elegance of all the black swimsuits. The girls look good.

I don’t know what “Life, Levity and the Pursuit of Beauty” means… I guess “levity” might be a nod to the idea I mentioned yesterday — that the world is pretty heavy right now, so let’s enjoy some bikinis. “The pursuit of beauty” might be a reference to their mission of expanding beauty ideals, but that too is odd considering that all three models have pretty conventional swimsuit bodies.

Why it’s all wrapped in a Declaration of Independence reference, I have no idea. Maybe they thought this would come out closer to the Fourth?

And did they consider “Life, Liberty and the SWIMsuit of Happiness”?

Anyway, the girls are all just kind of standing there. A single hot girl in a great dynamic pose would have been better. Even two girls can leave room for a fun visual.

But SI is still on a kick of overloading us with covergirls. Each girl apparently gets her own cover, too, but those are similarly straightforward.

I’m sad that my holy trinity of Barbara Palvin, Lais Ribeiro, and Hailey Clauson all departed in one fell swoop. Babs and Lais should have gotten at least one cover between them. And Emily DiDonato’s return would have been nicely enhanced with a cover.

Nothing against this trio. I’ve become quite a fan of Kate, I was an early adapter of Olivia, and Jasmine looks pretty magnificent. And they make a very alluring harem.

(SI seems to have pre-released the three models’ individual shoots in their entirety, which is new.)

Anyway, let’s induct Miss Culpo into Underboob Monday as we digest this newest batch of photos and wait for the rest of the magazine.